Findings:
- if you buy into the wizard's bullshit, soon you're all standing waist-deep in things you didn't even know could exist and no one has any clue how to stop him
- The serpent was in the garden again, but there weren't any apples left in the tree, so I figured things were cool.
- How He Didn't Understand Her Whichever
- It wasn't so much what you said, or what I did, but more what you said I did, and what I didn't say at all.
- I didn't say he ate your dog
- How come there aren't any recreational suppositories?
- There are many things that I would like to say to you but I don't know how
- How will you know you didn't get it all wrong?
- some say he was never here at all
- He makes me feel alone just by being there
- If there's hell below we're all going to go
- How to stay up all night if you've been up all day
- How many ways can you say "vinegar"?
- sometimes, after an adventure, he likes to sit out there and think
- All right, I'm God now. How do I get out of this mess?
- How to solve any Rubik-like puzzle
- He scribbled with black crayon all over my fairy tale books.
- The Good Gardener (On How He Fell)
- How to say "else if"
- There's nothing harder than learning how to receive.
- The Old Man's Comforts and How He Gained Them
- You see what they've done to you? You see how you're really hiding, in all that light?
- to say 'yes' to one moment is to say 'yes' to all of eternity
- How to learn any skateboarding trick
- Let's not, and say we didn't
- Is there any port wine left?
- This would be so dirty if we weren't all professionals
- when you reflect that john now knows how he's going to die.
- What's he building in there?
- 'Get married soon,' he says. 'I want an excuse. I want to know you'.
- Create a throwing star out of Post-it Notes
- Saying "United States of America" in various languages
- How to bend guitar notes without a whammy bar
- How many ways can you say "It's stuff made from soy"?
- I wanted to see how many times he wouldn't ask.
- I do not function as part of a machine and therefore by any proper definition I simply do not function at all
- How the Petting Zoo eventually destroyed us all
- We've got all this beauty and just enough time to figure out how to destroy it.
- there isn't another side. it's all right here.
- There is creativity and craft, in all peoples and all times
- "The Americans in their wisdom have taken the heads off the pictures, enlarged them and superimposed them with the heads of animals and then strung them up all over the walls of the interrogation room," he said
- How I almost got shot all up full of holes
- how to simulate any random variable by tossing a coin
- Is there any part of you that really wants this? Or is the pursuit like breathing to you?
- nor was there anything to be attained that you didn't already have
- The girl didn't know if she was loved until he said yes.
- How long can any one heart be so confused?
- How to determine whether a number is even or odd in any base
- He's a feminist. He tells that to all his mistresses.
- The Lover Showeth How He Is Forsaken of Such as He Sometime Enjoyed
- In the dream he laughs and says, You thought they were graceful on the ground
- How to say "I'm crazy"
- I will fucking REMOVE your writeups about Cloud Strife and how he's cool and mysterious and shit
- Let's shoot Cupid, see how he likes it
- The Tornado, or, how we almost all got killed.
- Of King Sigmund's last battle, and of how he must yield up his sword again
- How to say "No" and have people listen
- How many living things are there on earth?
- How many ways can you say "ginger"?
- How I found out there wasn't a Santa Claus
- How to say "I love you": A Six Step Guide
- How do you get there?
- How to tell if there's a fire on the other side of a door
- I hate Creed--Or how I know there are 52 Advil in my apartment
- There's a guy works down the chip shop swears he's Elvis
- How I invented Anna and made her a character in all my stories
- I feel the way bank robbers must feel before they go out on that last job that ends up getting them all killed. That is to say, optimistic.
- I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together
- confusion in her eyes that says it all
- There, in that wordless world surrounded by thick ice, I eventually lost all my strength. Bit by bit, bit by bit.
- That moment sometimes when your inner voice just says, "Fuck you. Fuck you all."
- He was hard in all the wrong places
- How the Portuguese Made a Superb Auto-De-Fe to Prevent Any Future Earthquakes, and How Candide Underwent Public Flagellation
- it's there for all to see, and yet some people never see it
- How to check if someone has been through it all
- we are already dead. this is all there is.
- Avoiding the stairway syndrome
- How to connect any cellular phone to a modem
- I'd already be a Buddhist if it weren't for all these damn spiders
- he did not look back. he walked slowly. he might stop at any time.
- How to solve any number sequence puzzle
- Don't say I didn't warn you
- If I didn't ask, I'd never know (how much you hate me)
- I didn't say you stole my watch
- I didn't know how to keep it but I couldn't throw it away.
- you have ghosts. where are they? are they so deep that the light cannot reach them? is there any such place?
- How Can You Be in Two Places at Once When You're Not Anywhere at All?
- Some say he once killed a man with a guitar string
- He had something to say. He said it.
- He taught me how to smoke
- And yet he continues to sit there
- Wheresoever he went, there was Eden
- How Eulenspiegel announced he wanted to fly
- Once there was a bug in a hole that he dug
- It is safe to say that I'm going to get my payback if he is anything like me.
- There is a clown. He sells meat. I bought you some Chicken McNuggets.
- That's Just How He Was
- He was there, and then he wasn't, and with him went those memories
- I should ask my barber where he gets his hair cut, then go there and slowly make my way up the chain
- A half-man, half-monstertruck ex-CIA vampire must save the world the only way he knows how: with ROCK
- He says the most beautiful things
- How I came to Spaceland, and what I saw there
- How to say "I can eat glass, it does not hurt me"
- How many melodies are there in the universe?
- I hope there is someone in your life to tell you how beautiful you are
- How precious can human life be? There are six billion people on the planet!
- How much information is there in the World?
- How to say "I love you"
- How to bend guitar notes properly
- Spotting a fake note in the UK
- How many primes are there?
- How to say "beer" in several languages
- How to say "Nice to meet you"
- How to convert musical notes to their Hz equivalent
- He says she says
- An open letter to all the lousy fathers out there
- I must say, you present all kinds of wonderful thoughts
- Mr. Potato Head Sprouted. He got moldy. Now he's all dried up, but he's still up in the cabinet.
- hating myself is all i know how to do anymore
- All I could remember in the morning is that maybe there were wishing hands involved
- All he left her was alone
- There's husbandry in heaven; their candles are all out.
- How it all began
- For every rich man who tries to leave this world for a better one with his fancy tomb surrounded by mourners, there are many more who perish alone in the cold, forgotten by all but God.
- How to Remove Your Bookmarks (all of them, and with Python)
- How to be strong for her, when all you want is to depend on her
- How do cows get all their nutrients, when they only eat grass?
- Advantaging all without disadvantaging any
- There is plenty of room for all God's creatures
- all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
- A day in the life of an Alzheimer's wife or how it all started with a missing spatula
- He cries for me, all these years later. He'll never stop 'til I join him in the grave.
- Some things are definite. We will all die, but there is rain.
- there is no weight that can bury us beneath the ghost of all my guilt
- He scribbled with black crayon all over my fairy tale books
- "All these years," he said, "I've been opening the window and making love to the world."
- How did we survive this long if we're all selfish?
- How to find out if ANY number is divisible by eleven
- Enter perfect couple, he owns all the keys
- If you don't know where you're going, any path will take you there
- How to lose your temper, your job and any last traces of respect for Management
- Why aren't there any female Jedi?
- Opening a command prompt in Windows
- How to be a moron in any city but Baltimore
- Are there any scientific alternatives to evolution?
- If you had any balls, you'd say 'Oh, my God, what is that thing?' then scream and cut your mic.
- How to turn any number into a 9
- How to Play any Guitar Chord
- do not believe that any idea is the end. there is no end to ideas.
- there aren't any stars because we haven't created them yet
- The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist
- I didn't know what to say
- there was more poetry in her shopping lists than in any of my rhymes
- He vowed not to consider any time interval shorter than one hour.
- I didn't mean to write this, but this is how it came out
- What she didn't say
- All the while he was talking she was thinking what his whiskers would feel like on the back of her neck
- He didn't want to be Gary anymore
- She didn't write like Emily Dickinson, but she did live in a house overlooking a cemetery, and I guess he thought that was important.
- No matter how wise an old sheep, he can't teach a fish how to polevault
- How Candide Was Brought Up in a Magnificent Castle and How He Was Driven Thence
- as if he didn't exist
- The note I didn't give to the woman in the bookstore
- If Christianity were true, why would there still be any Jews?
- Sex just walked by me, and I didn't get any, dammit
- He was confirming to himself that they were laughing with him after all
- So says the preacher man, but... I don't go by what he says
- As if he knew that words were how I kissed
- He stretched out his arms but she was not there
- How many times has God twiddled his thumbs before he put vertebrates on the Earth?
- He thinks a path and travels the emptiness that was there
- Don't kill your invisible husband to see what he looks like or you'll sob your heart out. But don't worry about the millions of invisible men coming to attack your village because they won't kill you if you don't know how to fight them.
- he says
- He said 'tentacle porn', so I stuck my dick in a toaster and went from there
- Some days there are so many words I need all three notebooks
- There is nothing left for me there, except for all that I left behind
- It all burned up in the fire there was nothing left
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