Today was really
bumpy. I had an early morning rehearsal for
orchestra, which was just plain normal. The rest of the day went by as usual with not one odd thing happening. I did have a weird feeling during school. Something to do with
social inadequacy. Probably something to do with not having a
girlfriend or being ignored by people I thought liked me. At any rate I didn’t
worry too much about it.
Then I went home. My friend came with me and we did some questionable smokeables. Afterwards we sat around attempting to do some work with SQL and VB. Then he left and I just lied in bed for a long time. Up to this point I was very happy. My parents were in Atlantic City showing my visiting British cousin what it's like there.
Then my brother came home. The thing about my brother is that he is retarded. He has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and also has serious trouble controlling his mood, especially his temper. One of his obsessions is cleaning. He likes to mop our kitchen floor every other day. My parents don’t like him to since he gets protective of the floors in our house. He sometimes gets angry if we even use out kitchen now. Often he’ll wake up in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep and he’ll mop the floor.
Today he came home angry. Most likely something unpleasant happened between him and a co-worker at the special place where he works. Recently this has been happening a lot more often. None of the doctors know why he’s getting worse but in the last year or two its all beendownhill. I put up with it for a good hour or two and calmly asked him to keep it down. I warned him that if he was in a bad mood when my parents came home, that he’d get in more trouble. I gave him about 5 warnings but he would only obey my requests for about 30 seconds and then go back to how he was before.
After about 2 hours of this I was starting to get annoyed but I was trying hard to put up with it. I went to tell him to stop (more sternly this time) but he ran into a room and locked the door. By now I was really angry and I started pounding on the door (three times to be exact). I guess I lost it because I put a hole right into the door. I have the cuts on my arm to prove it. I rarely get angry like this. I usually don't even slam my door when I argue with my dad. I don't get into fights at school. I hate violence. This was just not something I usually do.
That was it. My brother decided to blame me for his anger and started complaining about me. One of the things that always makes it tough for me to deal with him is that when ever I screw up in a minor way he has to emphasize it to my parents. Most of the time he doesn’t understand what I messed up, but he can tell by my parents intonation that I screwed up and he seizes the chance to repeat my flaw over and over again for the next few days.
Well, this is what he did when my parents came home. I explained to my parents why he was so angry and why there was a hole in their bedroom door. He said that he was angry because I put hole in the door. I personally believe him since he gets very upset whenever anything is broken or messy (obsessive compulsive). It ended up where he went to his room after taking a tranquilizer and I went to my room and cried. I haven’t cried in a long time. Not since I was about 9 or so. I’m 16 now. I feel bad now too since between my brother and I, we really made my parents look bad. I'm sure my cousin understands the situation but th fact that I flew off the handle makes it appear that even I have problems.
I’m sure my parents knew that something had happened at his work. They called from Atlantic City to ask how things were going and they asked him how work was. He tried to say that everything was fine and that he didn’t get into any fights or yell at his supervisor. These are all things he wouldn’t say if things had really gone right.
Now I’m doing my homework. Hopefully I’ll be able to return to my regular life without much fallout from this.