display | more...
there is no way to thank some people.. i can't tell him he changed a world for me, because he would tell me he simply watched me changing it for myself. i can't tell him that i love him so much for everything he's done for me and for who he is because he would brush it aside and make some insightful remark about the universe, or say something laden with biting ever-humorous sarcasm. i can't really thank him for his shoulder, even though it was there so often, he just won't let me.

so instead i walk and i smile at the universe and i love rain as it falls and seeps through my clothing, as cold or wet as it may leave me, because it is something that he helped me find. my appreciation for the world. my mind opened by someone whose face i have not yet seen. whose fingers, meaty brain have been so much to me.

you made so many things possible for me, and i am sure you're completely unaware of a vast majority of them. i think you prefer it that way, though..

i couldn't have loved him, in the head space i used to live in.. i would have found reason not to, i would have kept my mind closed so tightly. so, despite the fact that you'll never acknowledge this, and i might just as soon expect a satellite to crash into my eye... thank you.

the sun has been gone the past few days, and we are all swimming here in the thick air, it is colder than i'd like it to be. it is easier to wrap myself around it if i imagine the sky a darker gray, the sun shows itself in such a threatening intense white behind a day from which it was excluded. the result is confusion. the trees seem to brace themselves for fury every time the wind slips through their tired leaves.

i am constantly amazed that you can tell what i am thinking even from there, and with nothing more than silence to go on.. and i feel so violated for a moment each time i am reminded how well you know me. it has been nearly a year, and we have slid together so neatly that it scares me, sometimes but it is the sort of fear that would feed anyone. i love that you can stifle swirling thoughts so easily sometimes.. that you can force pointless insecurities completely out of my head just by existing. i love you, so much. thank you for being everything to me, and know that i only find more to love about you every time i blink.