PUNY HUMANS! HULK SMASH!
RAAAAGHH! HULK MAKE FIRST APPEARANCE IN "INCREDIBLE HULK #1" IN 1962! CREATED BY STAN LEE AND JACK KIRBY! LEE AND KIRBY SMART! BUT LEE AND KIRBY STILL PUNY! HULK BIG AND GREEN! LEE AND KIRBY BASE HULK'S APPEARANCE ON FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER! BAH! HULK SMASH FRANKENSTEIN!
IN STORY, PUNY BANNER CAUGHT IN GAMMA BOMB BLAST, TURN INTO HULK! HULK IS THE STRONGEST ONE THERE IS! BUT HULK LOOK FUNNY IN FIRST STORIES! HULK GREY, ONLY CHANGE TO HULK AT SUNSET! HULK NOT GET ENOUGH SLEEP, HULK CRANKY! THEN LEE AND KIRBY MAKE HULK GREEN AND MAD! THE MADDER HULK GETS, THE STRONGER HULK GETS! BUT HULK'S COMIC BOOK CANCELLED AFTER JUST SIX ISSUES! HULK SMASH STUPID MARVEL!
MARVEL GET SMART IN 1964, ADD HULK TO "TALES TO ASTONISH!" HULK HAVE TO SHARE BILL WITH PUNY GIANT MAN FOR TEN ISSUES, THEN SUBMARINER REPLACE GIANT MAN! NAMOR FUNNY! GOT WINGS ON ANKLES BUT SWIM IN WATER! HULK SMASH PUNY NAMOR! HULK FINALLY GET OWN BOOK AGAIN IN 1968! SUMMER OF LOVE? MORE LIKE SUMMER OF SMASH!
HULK CHASED BY MANY ENEMIES! HULK FIGHT ABOMINATION AND LEADER AND MODOK! BAH! THEY AM ALL PANSIES! HULK SMASH THEM ALL! HULK HUNTED BY ARMY MAN CALLED THUNDERBOLT ROSS! ROSS GOT DAUGHTER, BETTY ROSS! HULK LIKE BETTY ROSS! BETTY ROSS MAKE HULK'S PURPLE PANTS GET TIGHT! HULK GIGGLE AND FEEL SPECIAL!
BANNER'S PUNY COUSIN GET IN ACCIDENT! BANNER MUST GIVE HER BLOOD TRANSFUSION TO SAVE LIFE! BUT BANNER'S BLOOD CHANGE HER INTO SHE-HULK! SHE-HULK NOT PUNY! SHE-HULK STACKED LIKE BIG GREEN BRICK SHITHOUSE! EVERYONE SEEM TO LIKE GREEN CHICKS WITH BIG HOOHAHS! HULK DUMB AS ROCK, WANT TO MAKE IT WITH COUSIN, BUT SHE-HULK NOT DUMB, DISTRACT HULK WITH BETTY, THEN GO OFF TO GET DRAWN BY JOHN BYRNE!
DOC SAMSON AM PSYCHIOO -- SYKIA -- PSAIKAIAPOO -- HE AM HEAD DOCTOR! HE SPLIT HULK INTO TWO PEOPLE -- HULK AND BANNER! HULK HATE BANNER! BANNER PUNY! HULK LAUGH AT BANNER'S MANHOOD!
BUT SPLIT NOT WORKING, SO BANNER AND HULK GO BACK TOGETHER IN ONE PERSON! NO FUN! BANNER GET MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES! BANNER TURN HULK INTO NEW GREY HULK! GREY HULK SMART AND SNEAKY, CALL SELF "JOE FIXIT", WORK FOR MOB!
THEN HULK TURN INTO "PROFESSOR"! BUT HULK NOT MAROONED ON ISLAND! HULK BIG AND GREEN, BUT SMART! SMART HULK WEAR SPANDEX SPEEDOS! SPANDEX LOOK TACKY, PINCH HULK'S BOYS! ROB LIEFELD DRAW HULK IN SPANDEX SPEEDOS! WHY PUNY ROB LIEFELD NOT LEAVE HULK ALONE? HULK SMASH ROB LIEFELD!
SMART HULK GO TO FUTURE, MEET FUTURE HULK! FUTURE HULK SMART AND EVIL! GOT WHITE BEARD AND BALD HEAD! CALLED MAESTRO! MAESTRO CONQUER WHOLE WORLD! BUT SMART HULK BEAT FUTURE HULK! HULK IS THE STRONGEST ONE THERE IS, EVEN STRONGER THAN HULK HIMSELF! LAST SENTENCE MAKE HULK'S HEAD HURT, GO LIE DOWN!
NO! NO NAPTIME FOR HULK! SMART HULK NOT LAST FOREVER! PUNY MARVEL WANT BIG MONEY, WANT BIG MAD GREEN ANGRY SMASHING HULK! HULK SMASH! WHEEE! UHH, I MEAN, HULK SMASH!
IN '06, A BUNCH OF SMARTYPANTSES CALLED ILLUMINATI DECIDE HULK MAKE TOO MUCH NOISE, SHOOT HULK INTO SPACE! HULK LAND ON PLANET CALLED SAKAAR, HAVE TO FIGHT AS GLADIATOR! BUT HULK FIGHT BAD KING AND BECOME GOOD KING! GET MARRIED TO PRETTY ALIEN LADY, WHEEE! BUT ROCKETSHIP BLOW UP AND DESTROY CITY! HULK PLENTY MAD, TAKE SOME FRIENDS, GO BACK TO EARTH FOR WHUPASS! GETS TO BEAT UP IRON MAN, MR. FANTASMIC, DOCTOR STRANGE, AND BLACK BOLT, BUT IS BEAT UP BY THE SENTRY AND PUT IN UNDERGROUND JAIL BY THUNDERBOLT ROSS!
AFTER THAT, A NEW HULK SHOW UP, CALLED RED HULK, BECAUSE HE RED. RED HULK ALSO SMART AND BIG ASSHOLE! ALSO A RED SHE-HULK SHOW UP, TOO! SHE ALSO RED! SHE ALSO KINDA MEAN! IT TURNS OUT RED HULK IS THUNDERBOLT ROSS, WHICH AM JUST SO CRAZY IT MAKE EVERYONE'S HEAD HURT, NOT JUST HULK'S! REALLY, LOOK, WHERE AM HIS MUSTACHE GO? WHERE AM HIS MUSTACHE GO?! AND RED SHE-HULK IS REALLY BETTY ROSS! THAT AM JUST CRAZY! WHO AM RUNNING MARVEL? THEY ALL NUTS!
HULK HAVE TV SHOW FROM 1978-82! BILL BIXBY STARS AS PUNY BANNER! LOU FERRIGNO STARS AS HULK! FERRIGNO NEVER TALK, JUST GROWL! BIXBY WHINE ALL THE TIME! "DON'T MAKE ME ANGRY, YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY!" GIVE HULK A BREAK! YOU BET YOU NOT LIKE HULK WHEN HULK ANGRY! THE MADDER HULK GETS, THE STRONGER HULK GETS! HULK BADASS MOFO! HULK NOT CARE ABOUT GENEVA CONVENTION! HULK FART ANYWAY!
HULK GET BIG MOVIE IN 2003! MOVIE DIRECTED BY ANG LEE! ANG LEE DIRECT "CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON", "ICE STORM", AND "SENSE AND SENSIBILITY"! ANG LEE BETTER NOT MAKE HULK TOO FOOFY! OR HULK SMASH! ERIC BANA SET TO PLAY PUNY BANNER AND HULK! HULK GETS COMPUTER GENERATED! RUMORS SAY HULK NOT TO HAVE PANTS! ANG LEE BETTER NOT TAKE HULK'S PANTS AWAY! HULK SHY! BETTY ROSS TO BE PLAYED BY JENNIFER CONNELLY! JENNIFER CONNELLY? OOOO, HULK LIIIIIKE!
ADDEN -- ABBEN -- ADDENDUU -- NEW THING: HULK WILL HAVE PANTS IN NEW MOVIE! GOOD OLD PURPLE INDESTRUCTIBLE PANTS! SOON PURPLE PANTS WILL BE BIG FASHION STATEMENT! ALL COOL KIDS WEAR PURPLE PANTS AND SMASH! HULK WILL GET INVITED TO HIP PARTIES! HULK MUST PRACTICE AIR KISSES! MWAH! MWAH! MWAH!
ANOTHER NEW THING: HULK NOT SEE MOVIE YET! THEATER SEATS TOO SMALL FOR HULK! TICKET GIRL WANT TO CHARGE HULK FOR THREE SEATS! TICKET GIRL SAYS HULK HAS BIG ASS! HULK SMASH PUNY MOVIE THEATER!
HULK GET ANOTHER MOVIE IN 2008 BECAUSE EVERYONE AGREE FIRST MOVIE SUCKED! NEW MOVIE GOT EDWARD NORTON AS PUNY BANNER AND MORE COMPUTER GENERATED STUFF AS HULK, WITH HULK VOICED BY LOU FERRIGNO! BUT THAT MOVIE KINDA SUCK, TOO!
FINALLY, HULK GET TO BE IN "THE AVENGERS" IN 2012! BANNER PLAYED BY MARK RUFFALO, WHO EVEN DO MOTION-CAPTURE SO HE PLAY HULK, TOO! EVERYONE AGREE THAT HULK BEST THING IN THAT MOVIE! WELL, TONY STARK PRETTY GOOD, TOO! SO IS BLACK WIDOW! PHIL COULSON PRETTY GOOD, TOO! AND LOKI FUNNY! SMASHY-SMASHY! PUNY GOD!