I have had my mind blown
every few hours since he's been in town. I was nervous and jittery
the whole day before he got here, but once I saw him, it all went away. We had been talking via IM for almost 5 months now, and this was our first meeting. I was a wreck
. I knew I really liked him, that he had my heart by the strings
before he even got off that plane. It terrified me how real he had become to me.
He said at dinner one night that he never could let me be real to him, not to his friends, or to himself. I sighed inside, always on edge that something I admit would somehow be enough to scare him off, make him not like me anymore. But, then he starts admitting things.
By the end of the first full day of his visit the day after I picked him up at the airport, he had told me he wanted us to date long distance through the summer. I knew that that meant something significant, that I was special. But it's a considerable distance between us right now, and I don't know how soon or when we could be in the same area, or how that would all work. I didn't care; I was on cloud nine.
Then we go to the beach the next day and he reaches to hold my hand. Later that night, I move to kiss him. Somewhere between the two, he told me he was tempted to look for jobs in this area. All the time, I'm half in shock and half expecting him to come clean that this is all some drawn out and hurtful joke.
So now I'm back at work, trying to get back into the swing after two days of nothing but him, nothing but the euphoria of being around him and everything going so smoothly. Despite my fear, this is what I hoped would happen all along. I just never thought it actually would happen. I wonder if I will ever allow myself to be happy, to be told that he is falling head over heels for me or that he would even consider me in his permanent future.
Trying to think about him is not the problem; thinking about anything else is.