Here's the stuff we found when you searched for "Or better yet, "thrilled when so-and-so told me of your opening for a ______."

• When I was little my mother told me not to sit close to the T.V., so when I was six I did.
• The rock under my foot that told me I was real when I was an adult
• And yet, when the warm breeze of spring greets my face and the sunlight does not make me shield my eyes, I know I am not alone.
• I got the feeling the Fairy Council was mad at me when the president knocked over her coffee to get a better grip on my neck
• every choice you make is an elimination of future possibility, for better or worse
• I cried when I wrote this song, sue me if I play too long
• If you told me this never happened
• When You Said, "Remember Me"
• These trains will be the death of me yet
• I will REMOVE your "All your radical touching base are already occurred to the lesbian monkey puppy" philosophy on me if you don't eat my soy google balls, hatt-baby. Real or malarky?
• Saddest thing a woman friend ever told me
• Drugs Or Me
• Sword Lesbian, or: Give me a marker and a blank space and I shall move a bit of the world
• New York City: What Nonna told me on Monday
• Victor Burczyki, a man who once bought me a beer and told me this story
• Give Me Powerpuff Girls Hentai or Give Me DEATH
• I look better when I am wet
• Give me chastity and continency, but not yet
• What the dust told me
• They grow up. No one told me.
• you can only make me dizzy if you're spinning me in leaves or snowflakes
• You knew I was a rattlesnake when you picked me up
• a light wind is enough to make me smile or cry
• New York City: What my Mother Told Me
• For Better or For Worse
• I write you, when I can't have you near me.
• bringing me back to when less was worth more
• She told me she wouldn't
• What are you in for,cybercriminal? Hacking the sun? Freaking a planet? Technomurder? No. A century ago I told a man to kiss me on the peanus
• Give me assembly language, or give me death!
• She dumped me when she found out I'd been faking my Scottish accent
• Is that massive cerebral hemorrhaging, or are you just happy to see me?
• Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
• when strangers tell me to smile
• Better him than me
• Even I laughed at me when I built this cross-species genetic analyzer. Well I guess I showed myself!
• Encyclopedia Brown taught me everything I need to know about opening doors
• I Hate It When It Happens To Me
• No one asks me if I'm a Satanist or anything because I take the precaution of wearing a predominantly flannel and hawaiian shirt-oriented wardrobe
• Know me better, and love me better
• the cutest baker in the room was making sadfaces at me when i walked out
• New York City: What Nonna told me on Wednesday
• I have no proof that he would ever want to kiss or destroy me.
• Chicago: What my Teacher told me
• I really miss the woman who told me that people don't like me
• New York City: What Martin told me
• When life gives you lemons, grab it by the throat and demand better
• New York City: What my Father told me
• The pros and cons of leaving your computer on
• man when you are telling me how it was
• The drunker I am, the better I am at pool. Or is that the other way around?
• Give me head or the monkey gets spanked
• Fuckin' Jesus told me to betray the conspiracy
• because it represents, better yet, it is
• Hugs and drugs are better than hugs or drugs
• Your piercing intelligence would undo or invigorate me
• I remember when it was me who made her skin flush
• Call me back when hair starts growing on his palms
• You Better Watch Out, or the Insects Will Get You
• Is Everything2 making me more or less intelligent?
• Ruining your illusions of me. Or cementing them.
• You should have killed me when you had the chance
• There was a time when I was a better person
• When people say "All-American", they seldom mean me.
• I was a homeless bum
• boss i wish you had told me
• You've Asked Me When I Came to Town
• She is stupidly keeping herself a secret, when I know she has sparkly things to show me
• The stone that told me
• When I asked Anna to marry me
• I'm trying to see little old ladies as versions of my mom; it helps me be a better person
• Love Me or Leave Me
• lies the cheesemonger told me
• He made me promise I would do this when I was next sad. So I promised myself I would not be sad again.
• I told her I could read her mind, but she didn't believe me. I could tell.
• I remember when it was me who made you want to take over the world and enslave humanity
• Stand up for yourself, OR: How I got the shit kicked out of me
• So I was balls deep in the guy's ass that night when he turns to me and asks for a kiss. Damn. What a fag.
• She's smarter than me but she's also more quiet, therefore she has no personality which makes me feel better
• It's Me or the Dog
• If poetry could describe the way you make me feel, poetry would be illegal. Or anyway I might get arrested.
• makes me want to be a better hacker
• everyone who ever told me i was pretty was lying.
• I always told you I thought you were smarter than me
• Everything Quest: You kids stop your fighting or I will turn this car around so help me God
• Changing Your Life For Free (Or, 12-Step Programs?!: WTF Is In It For Me?!)
• Snickers told me
• Lies my Spanish teacher told me.
• Tell him, she told me
• When you want me and how you want me
• When you met me, when I met you
• New York City: What Nonna told me on Sunday
• New York City: What Nonna told me on Saturday
• New York City: What Nonna told me on Thursday
• New York City: What my sister told me
• I'm beginning to think that nothing I think or say makes sense to anyone but me
• New York City: What Uncle Jim told me
• The First Lie Besovi Told Me
• Sealing wax color code, or: Stop asking me what the letter says damn you
• New York City: What Jo told me
• When You Reach Me
• give me the truth or nothing
• You'd better quit sticking your thumbs in your belt loops like that. You're giving me bad ideas.
• radios work better when closer to her skin
• Give me Liberty or give me death
• The cactus that told me my mom was asleep
• "It gets better" or so they say.
• a tech support story that a friend told me that you might find amusing
• Do you love me or are you in love?
• When your presents give me hives
• "This sandwich is great, but it could be better if it had tomatoes and also gave me super powers."
• Is it better to try to improve yourself, or to accept yourself as you are?
• I can't decide if what you're saying is too profound for me to comprehend or just insane
• Lies My Teacher Told Me
• They might not need me - yet they might -
• Ask a fish what water is. Better yet, ask a wave.
• Bitch! I told you to stop callin me! (user)
• I remember when it was me who made her toilet flush
• Women want me when I'm taken
• What do you know of me, or I of you?
• She told me I'd make a good Satan
• Don't touch me when I'm screaming
• She told me to say that
• The Weddings I have Performed, or Why God is Gonna Kill Me
• My brother never told me not to smoke. He showed me.
• The sheer fact that I'm in a developing country should make me a better person, yes?
• Jesus' blood never failed me yet
• I must die or be better
• May the world be a better place when I wake up
• A Better Version of Me
• What will happen to me, when you die?
• Forgive me for who I am when I wake up
• I take a long time to ejaculate. Do I have a problem?
• You touched me when I needed to be touched, and for that I will hold you in my heart forever
• Just when scratch pads couldn't get any better... (document)
• Is it better to run or walk in the rain?
• The Mobility Divide: or why I want you to give me $20,000 in the 21st century
• You left me, a 36,000 lb truck fish-tailing in the mud. This is not heartbreak. This is better.
• She told me I looked like a Henry, and this is how she would know me
• You gave me wings when you showed me the birds
• Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry
• There are more and better reasons to dislike a human being than race or religion
• The annoying kid told me to kick him so I did
• Here's your chance to live through me, to right your wrongs or wrong my rights
• Don't touch me when I'm on a boat
• What the scroll in the cave told me
• I need these blue and black halos for comfort, to remind me where I am, who I am, when I am
• Whereas a Naked White Man, when I met one, always appear'd a new Object unto me
• Put That Thing Back Where it Came From or So Help Me
• when you're ready to touch me again
• He comforted me when he thought I needed it, but never when I really did
• Seven opening lines if he would ever look me in the eye
• Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me
• Somebody told me a story. It was pretty but boring. It was Saturday night, my stories usually end up that way.
• Jiffy Pop, for better or for worse?
• Is it you, Sir, who cut me? Or is it I who cut you?
• Is it me or are there more bisexuals these days?
• better off with him than here with me
• How Could You Want Him (When You Know You Could Have Me)?
• Lies my physicists told me
• Or he'll just kick me in the face and scream abstract noises and dance around outside in his underwear and have sex with the neighbor's dog and try to fly by jumping off the toilet
• I don't believe in God or the soul but these machines can make me cry
• Is it fair for him to love me when she craves his touch?
• I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me
• If not me, who? If not now, when?
• World, take care of me. You don't owe it to me, but I don't know any better.
• A lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying

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