Here's the stuff we found when you searched for "things you would have learned from your grandmother had you been paying attention"

• If it had been able to, the light would have smiled
• What if I had never met you? How much the poorer would my life have been.
• It would have been an excellent story but I had to get off the train
• I would have cooled this if you had written it
• How many lives could have been saved had we just said "Please" more often?
• we have learned all that we can from anal probing
• What I have learned from being fired
• If I had the money I would get lost. God knows I have the time.
• Would I have hid myself away if I had known I'd never be found?
• How many a dispute could have been deflated into a single paragraph if the disputants had dared to define their terms.
• The smell of kittens that have been careless; the flowers and the beer cans emerging from the snow.
• And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!
• It is never too late to be what you would have been
• you would have been
• What have you learned from your patients today?
• Friend, you have a lot to learn if you think loving me would be a bad idea.
• And then wings sprouted from the space between my shoulders where my wings had once been
• I would a thousand times rather have had a simple cheap sandwich with a friend
• You have been paroled from participation in the Capitalist Project
• I would have attempted to draw her if she had stayed that way.
• I would have leapt at the innuendo you had strewn at my feet.
• A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have
• I have been thinking about kissing. A lot.
• You can learn a lot about someone from the way they die
• Where the water for the flood could have come from
• a bad day is when I lie in the bed and think of things that might have been
• Boy, have you been having those dreams of yours again?
• our voices, once clarion, have been muted by time and mortgages
• He learned to dance from emus but he learned to love from seraphim
• My experiment in not paying attention to numbers
• How the inside of the mind would look from a purely abstract point of view
• What is Heraclides had never been born?
• I'll look at this in a year and wonder how I could have been so stupid
• How to really brush your teeth (Yes, you have been doing it wrong)
• A list of things kids should and should not have from a woman who has no kids
• He's been places they have not.
• We are the people we have been waiting for.
• The hot girls from cold countries have scars you're not supposed to see
• How I learned the secret of the pendulum from Japanese playground equipment
• The South had the right to secede from the Union
• I learned never to empty the well of my writing, but always to stop when there was still something there in the deep part of the well, and let it refill at night from the springs that fed it.
• impossible now to discern which had cleaved a heart from the errant which had missed the mark.
• All I ever needed to know about unit conversion, I learned from drugs
• You will be a tear-stained diary entry, and it will have been all your fault
• I have been alone while I was with many girls
• Is this what I have been seeking? Or is it an echo, a remnant, a sign that I was wrong?
• Advice I have been given about girls
• Are you searching to be inspired? Or are you searching to be amused, be content, be happy? What could you have been?
• You haven't seen it and you don't understand. I have malice. I have cruelty. The little fire that's always been inside me isn't so little anymore.
• Some of Us Had Been Threatening Our Friend Colby
• Lessons to be learned from Napster
• Wedding invitations for people who have been divorced for years
• I could have been Canadian
• I am not gay. I have never been gay.
• Why we learn from the Gods
• Things I've learned from living with an unwed mother and her two small children
• A thousand years from now, we should have coffee and tell stories while the world disintegrates
• An American in Tours
• From books people learn to remember, from mistakes to understand
• What I learned from the skateboarders outside my window
• if you're not paying attention, you're lost
• Things I Learned From Working At The Library
• things I learned from commercials
• Weak and desperate from decades of commuting the djinn would barter all for coffee and a friendly ear (fiction) mp3 (recording)
• Front porch, what should have been said
• New zombies have been animated to replace the old
• Balloons whose strings have slipped from unclutched hands
• What I learned from fingertips under the table
• should have been an artist not a software engineer
• I appear to have been misinformed
• Every morning when I wake up, I feel guilty for all the things I have ever been
• you have never been safe
• I have gone too far. I have been thinking, this is my life. Well, not yet.
• I have just been shot
• We Have Always Been The Party Of No
• What if Heraclides had never been born?
• Have you been a dad today?
• I have been enslaved to imaginary Berlins my whole life. (dream) mp3 (recording)
• Animals that should not have been domesticated
• all that time, all those threads, weaving through something that must have been far too confusing to enjoy
• do you remember the disco rhombus? it must have all been a dream.
• Phone books have never been this exciting!
• And only those who had been there knew the whole truth.
• you've been through something that no one should have to go through
• we're part of something bigger than any one of us. i just feel lucky to have been chosen.
• If you or a loved one have been injured or killed
• My entire life I have been composing my death poem
• I have been enslaved to imaginary Berlins my whole life.
• I have never been sure that you knew quite how much I loved you
• We reserve the right to learn from experience
• We have been shown the plan only insofar as it concerns ourselves
• I may or may not have been naked
• This is a story I wish I had been able to write. Hope you like it.
• My Dead Grandmother and Crowbars From Hell
• Everything I learned from "Survivor"
• Having gotten myself into a position where I can have my cake and eat it too, I feel no compulsion to get up from the table
• What did you learn from your time in the solitary cell of your mind?
• Lessons learned from the rap industry may or may not serve a useful purpose in everyday life
• everything I need to know about life I learned from juggling
• I know I have been dreaming
• These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
• Stoned music memories
• Final moments lost to what should have been
• Laugh when you have been listening well
• Having gotten myself into a position where I can have my cake and eat it too, I feel a strong compulsion to get up from the table
• Everything I learned in life, I learned from Buddhist drunks
• Have you ever been illusioned?
• Weak and desperate from decades of commuting the djinn would barter all for coffee and a friendly ear
• Have you ever been so excited about your life that it makes you almost want to cry?
• if you haven't learned your lesson from reading this, you can only learn it the hard way
• Top 10 Things I've Learned From Conversations with God
• Odd facts of life I learned from Math
• As if we had been sitting next to each other for years
• What I learned from the Wordmonger's Ball
• Could I Have Been?
• from where I stand I can see they have already won
• What we learned from songbirds
• I have always been burning
• They are angry and they have been lied to
• Things I've learned about lesbians from porn
• Strangers have been, and continue to be, very kind to me. Thank you.
• They had been expecting me
• I must have been mental to have done something like that, eh?
• Why have there been no great women artists?
• I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
• What Might Have Been
• Movies that should have been books first
• Let's go, keys. I've been drinking vodka and have a lot of big ideas.
• How long have you been in love with her?
• I have been showing you what a warrior is not.
• It Must Have Been the Roses
• Grief, killing grief, have not my torments been
• All Girls Should Have Been Born Blonde
• war trophies for people who have never been to war
• The real horror was not what had been redacted, but the reasons why.
• A time when a gun might have been helpful
• Life had been an opportunity lost
• The path we have been walking
• And All That Could Have Been
• It could have been me
• Names have been changed
• CAUTION: Warning signs have not been installed
• You have been in every line I have ever read
• and then, one morning, I realised I had been an adult for a while
• I have not been entirely truthful with you. I did gagoogidy that girl. I gashmoygadied her gaflavity with my googus.
• I cannot produce a definitive list of everywhere I have been, but I can say that I have seen a whole lot of nowhere
• It could have been a Brilliant Career
• Could Muhammad have been autistic?
• The bong on the table must have been part of the scenery
• Our minds bend and twist in the wind, our bodies fall apart, and the ghosts we leave behind have only one question: Where Have You Been?
• We are the ones we have been waiting for
• if a cycle can be broken, then it will have been worth it
• Your success in life has been predetermined from birth
• Things that have never been said in the entire history of man
• Do not be surprised, I have always been your canvas, Argenis.
• Could have beens, should have beens
• A part of us remains wherever we have been.
• i have been burning for so long
• The classic Warner Brothers cartoon characters have been replaced by lookalikes
• Gap analysis of a telephone call
• If you're not sure whether or not you've been had, then you've already been had.
• Things I've learned from Everything
• Things we learn from movies
• I had been hungry all the years
• I don't have a postmodern condition; I've always been like this
• I have freed myself from corporate advertising
• Things I learned from TVO
• Things that I learned from reading erotic stories involving latex
• I've had better hugs from wind gusts and dead people
• Oh well, I guess I'll have to stain the world with darkness until my bloodlust has been quenched.
• AES may have been broken
• I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender.
• All I Know About Science I Learned From Michael Crichton
• Some liberties have been taken with dialogue
• I have been orbiting this planet for thirty-seven years, and am just now starting to experience reentry (document)
• Part One: We Learn from Each Other
• Lessons learned from World War II
• The eyes of the dead may not blink, but they have been known to wander
• The way things have always been done
• Things I've learned about vendors from working for a dealership
• Your radical ideas about taking candy from thefez have already occurred to others
• I wish I had been told what Schrödinger really meant
• The cat (rumination of all that could have been)

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