Here's the stuff we found when you searched for "I invent far more baroque psychological traps and forms of self sabotage which were sufficiently convoluted that they would be hard to describe much less categorize thus making it impossible for anybody to call me on my particular bullshit."

• If only our tongues were made of glass, how much more careful we would be when we speak.
• If there were more people like you, there would be less people
• If there were more people like you, there would be more people
• if everyone were 10% more good, there would be a 90% reduction in evil
• Is Everything2 making me more or less intelligent?
• grumbling dissertation on how everything would be much better if it all were to explode
• If poetry could describe the way you make me feel, poetry would be illegal. Or anyway I might get arrested.
• You asked me once what I would remember... this, and much more
• The world would be in much better shape if our leaders were hamsters
• They left the streets stained with blood, and their howling could be heard long after they were gone
• Without chemicals, life itself would be impossible
• unless, of course, we assume the narrator is delusional or lying, which is far less interesting. Or, alternatively, if we assume magic is real
• they tell you to be your true self. to never give up on who you are. they don't know who i am.
• I really came to understand that they were just real people who wanted to live real lives and be treated equally as opposed to, for example, wanting to destroy us.
• Thinking you know more about computers than the tech you just called
• If everyone had a flower instead of a gun, there would be no more war
• The one thing I wanted more than anything was for someone, just once, to tell me they don't know what they'd do without me
• I am built to ignore hard truths and keep dreaming. That's what it is to be me.
• If I were Twenty-One I would determine, even if I could never be anything else in the world, that I would be a thoroughbred
• far be it from me
• bringing me back to when less was worth more
• I was discovered by scientists, what will they call me?
• If language were liquid, it would be rushing in
• Would you be more of a Jekyll or a Hyde?
• people who were not to be trifled with; people who would dance, and had no notion of walking
• She may be pretty and have more money than me but she doesn't write songs about you.
• Wouldn't it be much easier if you just agreed with me?
• when I am King, we will have no such things, but, my lads, if the old king my father were dead, we would be all kings.
• In which book did Nietzsche claim that almost all higher culture is based on cruelty? Don't call me stupid.
• If it were a snake, it would have bit me
• It's all a blank, which makes me think something far far worse has actually happened
• We're flawed because we want so much more. We're ruined because we get these things and wish for what we had.
• You were never going to become more than this to me
• If you were any more open minded, your brain would fall out
• You meant for this node to be read by me, and I would like to respond
• It's not that we're more attractive in the darkness or that one of us may be drunk
• If anything were different, everything would be different
• It would be a less interesting world if we all walked and skipped alike, and never fell from bicycles.
• If you were a perfume, your name would be "Butterflies"
• We'd all be better off if shaking hands were making love, and children were found in the cabbage patch.
• Things never were what they used to be
• He made me promise I would do this when I was next sad. So I promised myself I would not be sad again.
• If all you did was node, your writeups wouldn't be very interesting, would they?
• If I was the ocean, what would you be to me?
• The Saudis were terrified that someone was going to be a better Muslim than they were
• The next time they would come, I would not be here.
• If I had called you, would you still be dead?
• That would be me
• They knew what our pain would be.
• Why don't you just rip my heart out, it would be quicker and less painful
• I try not to eat the bullshit they feed me
• You mean the me that you would be
• Friend, you have a lot to learn if you think loving me would be a bad idea.
• If I were Twenty-One I would be happy
• If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him
• They Call Me MISTER Tibbs!
• Foam on the tide is no more or less real than the sea, it simply is, was, will be
• If you were a vegetable, what kind of vegetable would you be? (registry)
• If it weren't hard, they wouldn't call it hardware
• call me garbage one more time
• And then they came for me, but the bridge would not ignite.
• Our hearts were hard, but they were warm
• The Ten Commandments revised
• They call me Engineer-khan
• More ads which make me not want to buy their cars
• you were angels, so much more than everything.
• She's smarter than me but she's also more quiet, therefore she has no personality which makes me feel better
• Things are more like they are now than they ever were before
• drum rudiments which sound like they were named by a neural net
• They are not talking much, and the talk is quiet, of nothing in particular
• Prepare me a ship of which the half-rotten timbers shall be painted black, let the sails be in rags, and the sailors infirm and sickly
• Words which mean more than you think they do at the time.
• If Christianity were true, why would there still be any Jews?
• If not for bras there would be far too little between men and breasts.
• thoughts and ideas ought to be convoluted, because the things and people that they represent are equally so
• It's hard to be an addict when you're broke
• it would be hilarious if only
• It is far better to be bored by somebody else than to be bored by oneself.
• Sorrier than I ever thought I would be
• Anybody who gets married before the age of 25 scares me a little
• For anybody who thinks they need to see a psychiatrist
• If somebody wrote a book about your life, would anybody want to read it?
• When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.
• How to get Apache to be a bit more secretive
• OBAFGKM
• Why would a lapsed Catholic want to be married in the church?
• Which is not to be found in our obituaries
• I want it to be more like the things I write
• Work hard. Be strong.
• Linux would be dead without Windows
• If ifs and ands were pots and pans there'd be no work for tinkers
• We do what we do because of who we are. If we did otherwise, we would not be ourselves.
• Statements that would be shocking to people living in 1985
• be silent my bird, you tear me apart
• They will not be named!
• Unraveling things you would never be able to say with words.
• If she were an insect, she'd be a moth in search of a flame
• It's so hard to be unfashionable
• Now he can be loved. Now he is no more.
• A whimper would be fine
• They Might Be Giants
• Don't trust Elves; they may want to be your friends
• I wish I knew how it would feel to be free
• I wanted nothing more than for the ocean to be calm and still
• My subconscious is much smarter than I will ever be
• It is something very shameful. Please contact me again if I can be of further service.
• If I was any good at this, I would be getting paid
• Free to Be, You and Me
• people do, on the whole, have the right to be who they want to be
• They be killin' some hog over thar'.....
• marry me and you'll be safe
• It could be the last time you see me alive
• eternity would be boring
• Be you all pleas'd, your pleasures grieve not me
• You touched me when I needed to be touched, and for that I will hold you in my heart forever
• Why Star Trek: Series V would be a bad thing
• Work hard and be nice
• There are times when they seem to be right
• If there were a slight, let it be fulsome
• These trains will be the death of me yet
• Everything that can be invented has been invented
• They try to be quiet but you know they are there with their weird coppery breath.
• Let me be a martyr, dammit!
• They say the prettiest girls get to be angels
• taters haster be peelt an' boilt fore they kin be masht an' et
• Where have my wings gone? They are hidden, embarrassed to be seen.
• One more robot learns to be something more than a machine.
• Strangers have been, and continue to be, very kind to me. Thank you.
• I was not made for love songs, and love songs will never be made for me.
• Beautiful things should be left alone lest they become just another thing that we should throw away.
• The woman had a carnivorous frenzy which could only be soothed by the succulent sirloin
• Her self image was not the force field she imagined it to be
• I will make your oppressors eat their own flesh and they shall be drunk with their own blood like wine
• Tell me what's real and I'll learn to be happy
• Life without music would be a mistake
• Lying, cheating, cunt of a person: Hi, that'll be me.
• There shall be no more cakes and ale?
• Nothing could possibly be more satisfactory!
• I thought that I wanted this. I didn't realize it would be so hollow
• Open source cars would be doing 200 mpg by now
• WARNING: Noders May Not Be What They Seem to Be
• Your noise would not be missed here.
• I assume I am a visionary. You will not be able to convince me otherwise.
• Pirates and ninjas: why they should be friends but can't be
• Oh be a fine girl kiss me right now sweetheart
• I don't want to be here when you don't call.
• Life should be held in much higher regard
• play dumb
• Who is more likely to be color-blind, men or women?
• Religion doesn't allow me to be who I am
• Rules by which a great empire may be reduced to a small one
• Might be like leftovers. Would not taste the same, however sweet.
• Look siad me Be like me
• There need to be more powers
• I want to be alone until God rips a rib out of my chest and makes me a woman
• Don't want to be lonely no more
• It Ain't Gonna Be Me
• If you behave there will be cake for the miscreants we call your brothers
• Things I would be interested in seeing used in a literary context
• The node that tried too hard to be loved
• In the future, hairstyles will be just like they are now
• Making a fool of myself must be a hobby, I do it so frequently
• What would existence be like for a child born with no senses?
• got to be good looking cause he's so hard to see
• I set the alarm clock anyway, knowing I would be up all night
• Why it is so hard to be yourself
• The Enigmatic Head of They Might Be Giants
• Never attribute to malice that which can be attributed to stupidity
• On the comet there will be much pie
• Meditation I: Of the Things which may be brought within the Sphere of the Doubtful
• Be Quiet and Drive (Far away)
• There's got to be a way to make it sweeter, a little more like lemon meringue
• I may be cold and calculating, but that doesn't make me a computer
• May the wine be sweet. May the stories be heard. May the future bring me home.
• You give me wings. Don't be surprised if I fly.
• There will be no more stories to read
• How can something be more beautiful than it is?
• It's Hard to be Humble
• If we were all part of one big television show, seriously, you'd be a poorly written character

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