Hmmm ... Was Playstation 2 actually released in US today?

Today is Deepavali public holiday in Malaysia. Yah, I get to node all day, and play with my Nokia 9110. Maybe, I'll get more time to actually zap my Outlook contacts folder into Nokia PC Suite and cable transfer it to the Nokia 9110.

More later ...

(mordel) is it Thursday already?

I am so incoherent. I wrote an exam on tuesday morning and I don't remember any of it, except some furious calculation at the end and handing it in with a flourish at the end of my allotted time. Then going home and sleeping a troubled sleep. Apparently some time on sunday or monday or tuesday I finished my last assignment for another course too, but I have absolutely no recollection of it. None. Eek. But I'm better, better, better today. Or at least, able to focus my eyes on people and recognize them long enough to hold up a conversation.

My monitor is dying, fading slowly to black and vanishing softly and silently away. (perhaps I am a boojum?) Still, within the gamut of softly and silently I feel certain there is plenty of room for it to be directing killer radiation at me. My eyes play tricks on me and dance with reality in ways of which I do not wholly approve. They pay no mind to my scandalized maternal protests and continue to dance (a-and worse, maybe..) until all hours of the night, with no thought of how I stay up worrying over them.

WhooOOOoooooooooo perhaps bedrest is the thing.


Later on, on the actual day of days, back at the lab, we find ourselves reading an excerpt from the villain's (boys, boys, boys, call me bastress instead) diary:

Security cards are so much fun. I had to sneak in to the building today. "Help, help, I have no security card." (suspicious look) "Why not?" "I don't know. I was sick." "Well.. sign here. Hey, does your dad work there?" I stopped at three different floors because he kept hitting the wrong button. Poor graveyard security guy. He's cool.

But now I am so security-licious. This one has a picture of me printed on it. My eyes are mostly open and I'm smiling. Voodoo, voodoo, voodoo. I've put it in my wallet with my security card for home. I wonder if they'll fight it out, or just compromise and demagnetize my bank card.

Once again I node into the furture. I'm sorry, but the time on E2 is screwy....

So anyways, I woke up this morning with a VERY stiff neck, a SPLITTING headache, and messed up sinus problems. I dont think I'm sick, I just had a hard night for sleeping. Missed my first class, but i guess I'm ok....I dont think I'll fail... tho there's no telling :\
I've decided I need some good photo strobes, checking them out from school is a hassle, and they're not mine to do with as I please, which means I cant break them in the name of trying something new.
Oh yeah, I fucking _FAILED_ a midterm today, an art history test, I got a 59% on it. I guess that's a D, but still, a D wont count towards my degree. *sigh* I can maybe get a C in the class if I do VERY well on my paper.

What else...? got some of my hairs cut...
went to school, was misserable in pain
came home, went next door and talked to neighbor for an hour, he's a cool old canadian guy who always has those ubercool canadian over the counter Tylenol w/ codine, now i feel better.
Came home, started noding some lyrics:

Wrote a couple other little nodes, suprised that blockbuster wasnt done already... odd...

Anyways, now i am going to bed early, and painfully... but oh well, tomarrow i get to see Jackie :)

'Tis the second day of work at the new job. My car CD player is about to kick the bucket, whenever I hit any bump and at random intervals it thinks the fast forward/next track button is pressed. There is no time to fix it until Sunday, and two more hour-long commutes until then - Fuck me gently with a glowing, pulsating chainsaw, brother.

Work is actually getting to be fun, most of the cow-orkers are old cynical types who spout of their opinions to the radio... Working on Mardi Gras floats rocks also, it's just arts and crafts with power tools. If that weren't enough, I'm making $50 a day, go home at three and get weekends off.

On the way home I picked up my voodoofest ticket, I'll probably ride with Jason, maybe Clair will ride with him also - I doubt it, though it would be coo'.

Any everythingers going to voodoofest? /msg if you want to chill or maybe party after the festival...

Slept through both classes, but who couldn't see that one coming.

Went to work, had a pretty easy evening. I sat around and played Bugdom (a highly addictive game about a bettle and ladybugs under seige.) for most of the night.

Went grocery shopping with a co worker for zot's birthday cake. Very exciting. After that, we went back to my house and sat around talking while eating pizza and making the cake. Lots of constructive converasation. I love meeting new people.

Listened to some music I haven't heard in quite some time while simulateously making someone's day.

Don't Call

I knew things had changed when she started calling. Just to say where she was, when she would be back. She never used to, and I never expected her to. Then, out of the night, a ringing woke me up. I heard the message, "out with Eric, be home later". It has been two hours and I am still not sure why she called. When we started seeing each other I got used to not knowing where she was and what she was doing, She had a life, friends, and things to do. I figured she was sleeping with her ex, when she dissapeared for a week and a half. Now she calls, just so I won't worry. Are we that far into domesticity? Are we that codependant? God I hope not. I'd rather not know, rather wonder about her private life than have her calling "just to let me know". I don't want to know until she is with me again, and tells me about a wild night out, or a day in the park with an addictive book. When I can see her eyes smile, and she lets me in. Then we can talk about our days, and laugh and be together in the moment, not on the phone explaing why we aren't there...


Good morning!

There's nothing as enjoyable as waking up to find more of your stuff nuked. Now I have to consult my backups, as well as bring them up to speed.
Why is it that when they nuke something of mine, it's never one of my worst pieces of crap?

My right pinky hurts.
In all the buses here, there is a small mat near the door designed to collect as much dirt as possible from the bottoms of the passengers' shoes. This morning some dumbass had left the rag conviniently folded, so while rushing to the seat half-asleep, I tripped on the damn thing. Equiped with cat-like reflexes even with the early-morning haze inside my head, I managed to reach out for something with my hands. Unfortunately, something hit my pinky straight on, causing a great deal of pain before the endorphin kicked in.
At least it's not broken. Pressing down the right shift and enter keys is somewhat difficult, though.

Ok, found out what the nuked writeup was. And all I can say is -why?
These occurrences don't really motivate a person to keep noding, you know. But since all the truly bad WUs seem to be consistently left intact, maybe I should keep submitting senseless trash. Or how about just sticking to day logs? Hmmm.

Today's Writeups
Weird Dream The Worst Anime Ever Made | Yamaha DX11 | Yamaha TX81Z

Sähkö Recordings

Another stupid insomniac night where I end up going to bed only to get back up again an hour later. I should have never taken 8am classes. Do not make this mistake. This is the path of failure and academic probation. This is when I seriously consider forging a doctor's note.

Yeah. It was some phantom diabetic complication that seems to have cleared up now. It's more pathetic than anything. I wish my life had a registry that I could edit.

Well, if nothing else the cats are very pleased to see me awake and moving. There are four of them at my house and chances are one of them needs affection or entertaining at any given hour. I think that insomnia is a very feline trait in humans. Cats often have that dazed look that comes with being awake and not really knowing what to do. Diversion rules your existence and any attempt to establish a schedule is wasted.

I have a history midterm in less than 8 hours. Granted, the majority of it is going to be in essay format but the idea of sleep between now and then is appealing however distant.

I had another fit of historical noding yesterday which led to more cools than I really deserve. Research is one the easiest things for me. Finding connection between the everyday happenings of people in the past and the way their mundane (at the time) actions blossom into something that is remembered. Do you ever wonder if you've made any history or if you're going to? What does this out of context chunk of time add up to in the big picture? Yeah, I fully realized that this is cosmic navel contemplation but I'm prone to it.

It is nearly time for employment again. I didn't end up with any Pell money this year. I actually made a living wage last year. It's ironic because the one year that I actually can afford to do anything outside of the work, eat, sleep cycle ends up hurting me in the end. Is there karma attached to relative luxury? Yuck.

I'm reading a huge biography of Thaddeus Stevens right now and I have decided that, within the context of the time that he lived in, he was one of the most radical politicians ever. The man took absolutely no shit. Yes, he had many quirks and was totally neurotic and unhappy but he got things done on a national level. It's hard to deal with when you don't even have the discipline to roll out of bed on time in the morning.

OK. End ramble. I will smack myself in the head with a mallet Three Stooges stylee to get some sleep if I have to. Hey, that way I'll have something to node in dream log. Wait. What's my motivation again?



Well, dammit. I tried to wake up early this morning, but this time I was kept awake by, hmm, Dragon Code.

I described Hoki-Aamrel the Cherry-Red Dragon, a RP character of mine, as thus:

 DC2.Dw Gm L5.2m W T- Phflwt Sks Cre\re^,wre+\re^ Bfl A? Fr++^
        Nn M- O? H++ $ Fc R-- Ac++ J+ S++ U? I-# V+++ Q++ Tc++

Hoki used to be a 60 meters long red western-type dragon; Since he found this size inconvinient, his size changed to more comfortable 14.2 meters. And got a nice metallic iridescence too! =)

I'm planning a more serious return to a.f.d some day, but as of yet, too much to do...


Finally through the news and mail. Had to reply to one long mail... And such. More stuff to do today... Busy busy busy.


Still a lot to do! Well, I got a bunch of cool stuff from Velar - a lot of cool dragon/draconid pictures today...

Other day logs o' mine...

Noded today by y.t.:

Praise the gods, I got myself a new job.

Oh wait, it's at The Gap....should I be proud? *sigh* perhaps I will never escape the clutches of the evil retail world, but so be it. At least I've found a niche...

That thing, that thing, that thiiiing

This morning I'm gonna play Nostradamus and tell you about what's going to happen today:

  • School is going to suck
  • I'm going to cut study hall and go to the library
  • I will sleep during class
  • I'll stay after to help the Director of Technology with some servers
  • My parents will give me chores to do
  • They'll also punish me somehow for a little thing

Hmmm...I'll have to make sure something a bit more interesting happens, I need to stir the pot up every now and then.

So far I've cut study hall, school has sucked, nothing interesting has happened, and I slept through chemistry.
Well, I did end up helping the director of technology, but more interesting things happened. First of all, he gave me a pair of laptops, Digital HiNote Ulta IIs, P100, 24mb, 812mb and 10" TFT. A shame the batteries are shot in them. Also when waiting for my ride outside school, I run into some people who went to private school in 9th grade+ and talk to them. I swear one of the girls was flirting with me, but it doesn't matter. No chores, no punishment. Today owned.

prev daylog next daylog

My flatmate and I installed a LAN at home yesterday. We can both connect to the net together now, and the phone line isn't taken. It took us about 10 hours to configure it, and we still couldn't do it properly, what with him running Windows 98 and me running W2K. A friend came over to help us, and we finally made me a proxy. It works. Hooray!

Last friday I had a gig that sucked farts out of dead seagulls. The guitar player we played with is HORRIBLE. But he got us the gig. The drummer really suffered the whole night, but I didn't care. I was just there, playing and not listening to the guitar. This is wrong to do generally, but it would just have upset me.

With my serious jazz band (We named our selves Trio La), I'm preparing for a quite important show we have on the 8th of November. Of course it will just end up being a not-too-important thing at the end, but at the moment, it seems important because some people from other pubs will be coming to see us, so we can get quite a few shows if we're good.

My ex just called me. She came back from New-Zealand. she loves to talk on the phone, apparently, and I don't. So after a short while I get tired of our conversation. She's bloody impossible to stop, too. Just like my mother. Yes, yes, Freud blah blah blah. Sometimes I want to be in touch with her and sometimes not. Right now, it's not. I guess that's how it is with ex's. You just can't have a normal relationship with them anymore.

Well today was the first day at my new job. It's a bit early to tell but I think I may like it here. For one thing we dress in casual except when we are actually meeting clients - no more suit and tie every morning for me.

Of course my first day was meant to be yesterday, but I took a sick day instead. Not a great start for a new job I know but since I spent the previous nightand most of that day in the Alfred Hospital I think its excusable.

I woke up the previous morning in Sydney with a pain just below my ribs. I thought it must be indigestion from something I ate the night before, but it slowly got worse as the day progressed. I flew back to Melbourne that night by which time I also had referred pain in my left shoulder. I thought that eating something might help, so I went out to get some dinner and on the way I started having difficulty breathing. I left my dinner on the living room floor and drove myself to emergency.

At the hospital they seemed stumped and over the course of several hours performed every test imaginable on me including blood tests, urine tests, ECGs, X-Rays, ultrasound and sticking a finger up my bum. All in all it was quite scary and at one point I realised that if it turned out to be something serious then I didn't have anyone who I would want to call. It was a very lonely moment.

They also stuck a drip in my arm for 14 hours or so which was one of the most unpleasant things I have ever experienced. Eventually they injected some sort of muscle relaxant down the dirty great plastic tube stuck in my arm and this eased things up enough for me to get to sleep for a while. I woke up again when the pain returned, higher up and to the left this time and literally writhed with it until I passed out. When I woke up again it was gone and eventually they discharged me.

One of the doctors presented a theory that perhaps I had damaged my diaphragm muscle either in a coughing fit or by sleeping in a strange position on the plane, but another thought it might have been gastric. Who Knows?

I still felt a bit weak for most of today but things seem to getting better.

When I checked my email I found that a friend of mine who I have not seen for a long time ( he lives with her and I don't want to see her ) had invited me to dinner with an old friend of ours who had come to visit. I decided to turn up but they didn't. I waited for 15 mins and then left again - Strangely I'm not really pissed off. Somehow I don't seem to really care.
Exercise Log:
  • Pushups - 35
  • Side-kicks - 30, each side
  • Situps - 115

Insomnia: Mild. But I slept in until 11 because I was sick, so that's to be expected.
Tongue log: The top of my tongue is white. I think it has to do with how much listerine I keep having to gargle. I hate that shit. Yesterday, the backs of my teeth felt smooth and kinda slimy on my tongue, but then I realized it's because my tongue is acting a little strange. Hopefully, it won't turn black and fall off.

It must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.

It seems that I forgot to backup MDK2 as well as some other various stuff. I think it was definitly done on purpose by my subconscious. While the second had better graphics, more levels, and more features, it just wasn't as fun as the first. Most of the humor was pretty cheesy too, I think this was the result of MDK being devolped by Shiny whereas MDK2 was done by Interplay. Interplay has some great games, like Redneck Rampage, but they just didn't do that good of a job with this one. Thus I don't think I'll be coughing up $30 to buy it.

I slept through Computer Ethics, oops. Right now I'm late for Concepts of Self- man, just walking into that room makes me want to fall asleep. I wonder what it is about the room that makes it such a sedative. The carpet? the lack of good lighting? the really warm/almost hot atmosphere of it? the fact that everyone else is sleeping?

Hmm, I should probably be getting to class...


Oh lord. I've just seen the room I'm presenting in tomorrow. It sits 400 people. I was expecting 100 at the most. Now I'm getting nervous. Very nervous.

I'm tempted to take my new Nerf Gun and shoot people who fall asleep, at least it would be memorable!

The size thing really screws me up though. I like to wander during my presentations, switch sides for emphasis. That is going to be a long lonely walk. I won't be able to see the people at the back of the room. Worst of all, I will have use a microphone. Not many people like the sound of their own voice. Hearing it amplified is not going to be pleasent.

I want my mommy!

17.50 bst
On my way from work to the station on my way home, a guy asked me if I could spare 20p so he could get something to eat. He was very polite about it, and I began fishing around in my pocket before I remembered that I had no change on me.

I gave the man a penny before walking off sheepishly.

back | days | forth

Dem Bones thought I was a girl!

Checkout the new homenode picture - I do look a little girly in it :-)

I have to travel tomorrow. This means laundry, sorting out tickets and passport information, travel insurance and other boring things. I love to travel, but the organising you have to around it sucks.

Whilst sorting out photos with my mother, I came across some mid-seventies pictures of me. They seemed strangely familiar, as though I had seen them very recently. Then it hit me, that turquoise tint to the pictures is much the same as the cover of Boards of Canada's Music has the right to Children CD. Even the seventies clothing is much the same... spooky. I all needed was the scary blanking of people's faces...

last night downloaded nethack and began the descent into the dungeon. yikes. learned a few things quickly::

  • don't kill your pet
  • the lifestyle of a monk may sound attractive, but you are rather weak.
  • don't carry too much baggage around with you, or you won't fit through passageways.
already it's beginning to feel like a large allegorical tale about modern existence.

after doing some benevolent noding in the forms of pasting my standard stack and queue code onto e2, i woke up to find them downvoted, with the soft links berating me for not commenting my code.

grow up, children.

i think that i just began to intuitively understand how hash tables work, so i shall now be pouring my efforts into correctly implementing one. wish me luck.


This is probably one of the dumbest things that you could name a credit card. Ever. No, really. If you're american, and you're not from New England or the South, you wouldn't have cause to think about it. Because you pronounce your "r's ". I certainly didn't have cause the think about until today. My professor is from Poland. He learned Received Pronunciation when he learned English. He doesn't pronounce "r's". No one understands him when he was MasterCard.

I talked to my friend Michael for the first time since my friend Erin dropped out. He's awesome. We talked about the Green Party and some things that are going on this in town. He invited me to come to the Tibetan classes that just started on Tuesday morning. I'm interested, and I think I might go. I'm just worried that I'll fall behind in sanskrit if I start something else. However, I'm probably not going to continue in sanskrit next semester. sigh. I have to make some decisions about what I'm doing with myself.

...And then I checked my email...

Erin is coming back! She's going to start school on Monday. This is very exciting. yay. May there be ale and dancing and wild sex for everyone!

It's been ages since I wrote my daylog.

So, what's been happening to Chaosbreather?

  • Mostly I've been working on our school musical Into the Woods. I play the part of the Mysterious Man. We will be performing it in 2 weeks time, with a matinee and 3 night performances.
  • I've also been working on my website. I've basically finished it, I just need content (just like any other website I've ever done for myself).
  • I've been reading some books.
  • I've been working on my new computer when I'm not rehersing.
  • I've been angry that I'm rehersing so much.
  • I've been studing for all my exams coming up.
That's about it.

Today has been positively awful.

What else did I expect? It's hell day. Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays. I skipped the same two classes ( Language Acquisition and Cognition) that I skipped on Monday, meaning I'm now a week behind. I went to Syntax, and on the way there developed a pounding headache. Having stuggled through class, I went to the library to take a nap -- two hours later, here I am, with a pounding headache and messy hair.

The day did have two good points. First, my syntax professor baited the Annoying Old Man Who Asks Stupid Irrelevant Questions That Show He Has No Understanding Of What's Being Discussed (I'll do a writeup about him someday soon). The annoying old man, in the middle of a quite interesting discussion of Case and the use of PRO with infinitives, raises his hand and asks if it's "appropriate" to use the word "kill" in a scholastic environment. The sentence the professor was using was "It would be unfortunate to kill Mary."

So the professor thinks for a moment, and says "yeah, you know, you're right."

And changes it to It would be unfortunate to rape Mary.

The class cheers.

Second, I've been made an editor, which makes me happy. I hope to do good, and well.

So after a few short weeks living in New Orleans, I ended up on Bourbon St. during the Southern Decadence festival. It's like a big pre-mardi gras mardi gras, for homosexual people. I was amazed at the sheer amount of nasty that was on the street that night. I did, however, make it down the street to the "mass of men grabbing each other" section of the place, and that was interesting, but all in all, I can't say that I enjoyed trying to get through the crowd and having my crotch and my ass grabbed, by other men. Remind me to stick to places serving drinks should I continue to go to this celebration in the future. If I can't walk, then I won't be able to walk to where all the half naked, screaming men are.

Okay, maybe I'm not getting where I meant to go with this story. There was a sea of litter in the streets, and there were massive, massive, copious, and vast quantities of people of all sexualities present. But the big rainbow banners and men in assless chaps weren't there for the straight women. This girl and I had a running contest on who would have the most guys checking them out if we sat down for a while. She won, but not by a lot, if I remember correctly... Anyway, we got our goodly drink on, and then we realized that it was time to get back home, because we all had class. Wait, scratch that, we all had to attend classes.

The streetcar, running at a fantastic $1.25 for a ride anywhere on the line, is full. It doesn't just have everyone filling its seats, it has everyone filling its seats, someone on everybody's lap, and people lined up all through the aisle. We were mashed into that car like Brahms in a bathtub. It was amazing and sickening at the same time. The car starts to go, and then I realize that, due to a certain amount of drinking that I've done over the course of the evening, I have to use the little boys room. I tried to stop myself. I held on to the seat for my life, but the constant jostling of the people around me, and the smell of rancid beer on people's breath was making me feel a little queasy as well. I couldn't take it. At the next stop, I bailed out the window. The night air was so refreshing, the Trolley Stop café was just across the street. I went in, did my business, and walked back outside. I realized that due to the frequent stopping of the car, I was barely away from the street I had started at, and would have a quite lengthy walk back to school.

No big deal, I thought, and started walking. I hadn't calculated walking distance at this time, and I still haven't, but I'm guessing that it takes about 2 and a half hours to take the trip. Let's put it this way. I was sober by the time I got home. Anyway, I'm walking, and walking and there are these people in front of me... Well, mom always said not to talk to strangers, and I'd not found reason to learn my lesson, so I introduced myself to them, and we talked a little on the way. Apparently, they'd dropped acid all the way to New Orleans on a Greyhound bus. They were genial enough though, so we discussed various laws on what was and wasn't legal to do around New Orleans, and what you can get away with that isn't. It was an interesting discussion, and I was left with the thought, "Geez, everyone I know from college is way worse at making conversation. I wonder why more people like this didn't end up at Tulane."

Anyway, they got off St. Charles quite a ways before I did, and I ambled home singing to myself... I got back to my dorm to find my roommate, passed out from drinking hand grenades.

Sometimes I feel a particular kind of depression where I just lose interest in everything I normally like. I've identified this state of mind as a hunger of imagination, my imagination's overwhelming and unsatisfied need for something else to seize onto for inspiration.
From The Knitting Sutra by Susan Gordon Lydon.

I've lost my inspiration...

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