Head West! Colonize an already-inhabited place! (person)

(very brief)Aftermath stuff is at the end.

Download mp3's of the readings at http://phonophilia.com/times/nodeslam/

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!!TEH NODESLAM!!

* * *

!!WEBCAST!!

TEH NODESLAM will be webcast! Simply tune your radio dials to http://detritus.net:8000/e2 at about 7:15 PST this evening to hear every moments of sparkling noder brilliances! I hear teh Joneses down the block will be listening in! Don't be left behind!

* * *

When I try to explain e2 to my friends, they always ask something like "So what's so cool about it?". What do you say to that? "Well, there's this really cool experience and leveling system that I dig a lot. It's so much fun trying to level up - once I hit Acolyte I get to see who created a nodeshell, and it works in ANY theme! Also, there's usually a lot of petty bickering and arguing about how things should be run, and people getting disproportionately pissed off about really stupid things, and you know how much I dig that. Plus, I'm in this usergroup edev and I get about ten or fifteen completely worthless messages per day that I get to go and delete. It's a real blast!"

No, seriously.

All bullshit aside. I've been on e2 a year and a half now, reading a lot, writing occasionally, talking, and so on. All this time, and the only one-sentence description I can give you that even scratches the surface is that e2 is so complex it defies easy description.

But the essence of e2 is apparent from day one, the moment you step out of Everything University. E2 is here, and we are here, for the quality of the people and the quality of their words. So it seems, to me at least, that the nodeslam is sort of the essential e2 experience. We get the people and the words together.

Anyway. Enough about our collective navel. Let's get this going.

Q. So, how exactly is all this going to work?
A. This is how I see it breaking down. You will stand up and walk to the front of wherever-we-are. You will smile at the audience. You will introduce yourself and say a few words about the piece you're going to present, as a means of giving us a bit of background and maybe shaking out those nerves a bit. You will read, and everyone will listen raptly. You will suddenly find yourself filled with a oneness and kinship with your fellow man that is unlike anything you've ever experienced. You will finish reading, and everyone will applaud. You will smile, and take your seat, happy to have given something.

Q. Say, I want to suddenly find myself filled with a oneness and kinship with my fellow man that is unlike anything I've ever experienced! What do I do?
A. Terrific! Just send me a message listing 4-6 nodes that you'd like to share with us. I'll let you know which you'll be reading. And while you're at it, why not vote for which nodes you'd like to see other users read?

Q. Voting? What's that all about? I already voted on half these nodes! And why am I sending you 4-6 nodes? I thought I was only reading one!
A. This is NOT standard e2 voting, this is a special selection process. To vote, just fire a message off to me listing which TWO writeups you'd like to hear most from each listed noder. If you'd like, you can just vote by number to save time (e.g. /msg Unless ideath 1 2 Walter 3 4 Unless 5 6). I'll tally all of these votes up and let each user know what got the most votes; this is what you'll read. If you haven't caught on yet, the 4-6 nodes you send me will be the ones I list as nominees for you.

Q. Why even bother with this voting business? Why not just let me read what I want?
A. The voting process is in place to help select those writeups that your fellow noders would most like to hear. As Walter says in his other-Columbus-gathering writeup: "In a way, [the voting-for-nodes system] made the difference between scanning the C!ed wus list and the New wus list. Not so much an assurance of quality as a guarantee of material that others would find interesting."

Q. Can I vote for which of my own writeups I want to read?
A. Sure. You get two votes for yourself, just like everyone else.

Q. Can I us both of my votes on a single writeup, if I really like it?
A. Sure.

Q. Can I change my votes later if I change my mind?
A. I'm afraid not.

Q. What if I'm not reading a node. Do I still get to vote?
A. Yes! VOTING IS OPEN TO *ALL* E2 USERS! Please vote!

But really, why wouldn't you want to read a node to us?

Q. Well...I'm a bit nervous, to be honest.
A. What, nervous about getting up and reading something you wrote in front of forty of the smartest people you've ever known? How silly.

Have you seen the movie Three Kings? I like it a lot. There's this great little exchange:

Archie Gates: You're scared, right?
Conrad Vig : Maybe.
Archie Gates: The way it works is, you do the thing you're scared shitless of, and you get the courage AFTER you do it, not before you do it.
Conrad Vig : That's a dumbass way to work. It should be the other way around.
Archie Gates: I know. That's the way it works.

That is the way it works.

Here, E2 will imitate life. You'll do the thing you're scared shitless of, and then you'll get the courage. You'll see what I mean when you get here.

Q. Well...I'm kinda worried about peoples' reactions.
A. In addition to having giant, squishy brains, noders are also rather nice. I'm sure that the reaction to your peace will be enormously positive. And, in fact, I'll make sure of it by personally laying the smackdown on any dissenters with my Vengeful Golf Club of Flaming Retribution. Word.

Q. Well...really, this sort of thing just doesn't seem like my cup of tea.
A. It may seem that way now. But believe me, when you're there, in the moment, watching this amazing thing happen, you will want to be a part of it. It is best to start preparing now.

Q. Well...I don't really think I have any (or enough) nodes worth reading.
A. Bollocks. If you have four writeups, you almost certainly have four that someone will want to hear. Aside from lyrics and other things you yourself didn't write, absolutely anything is fair game. Certainly essays, prose and poetry will be popular choices, but I personally am very interested in hearing any factuals you may have that are especially well written, or that you are particularly passionate about. Reviews are excellent also, and hearing about something can give you a much clearer picture of what it's like than reading about it.

Q. I still don't wanna do it. What are you gonna do about that?
A. All I can do is harass you incessantly and hope you change your mind. And I will do this.

Q. Alright, you've got me convinced. But when and where is this gonna take place?
A. NOTE THE CHANGE! The reading will take place Saturday evening, ~7:15 pm, at IWW hall (6th & East Burnside). Shortly after dinner, that is. There is a nominal fee associated with using this venue, which we'll attempt to defray by selling coffee and/or passing the hat around. Don't worry about bringing a printout of your chosen node (unless you really prefer using paper to a laptop).

Q. Is there anything else I need to know about voting and nominating?
A. Remember that you will be speaking to an audience. You may be surprised at how large the change in feeling of a writeup will be when making the transition from text to spoken word. Try to select (and vote for) writeups that you think will work well read aloud, not just those that you enjoy the most.

Q. Help! I've got more questions!
A. Feel free to message me with any questions, concerns, etc. I consider myself very personable. If you have any questions at the event itself, just hunt me down: I'll be the 65-year-old woman with the blue hair.

---

* Unless

1. The Survivors
2. When did the future switch from being a promise to being a threat?
3. Don't encourage people to read
4. Saturday Market
5. Turing Intelligence
6. Shoot for the stars *

* Walter

1. Duran Duran
2. Liz
3. My new way to get there *
4. This must be the night when I remember how to fly, when the breeze catches my weight at last

* icicle

1. E2 Celebrity
2. Woody Guthrie
3. This song I wrote about Sheila
4. They hum like angels *
5. I don't care. I like who I am because of it.
6. The Icicle Melts

* Roninspoon

1. To the man on the hill
2. Why I stopped shopping at Best Buy
3. Two stories of the pistol *
4. The ultimate zen node *
5. How prom nearly killed me.

* fuzzy and blue

1. Red Tide *
2. Every time I look at this picture, I feel a little more in love
3. monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey
4. The Auditorium
5. Reading Rainbow
6. Mr. Stupid, or Learning to Write

* dTaylorSingletary

1. zeppelins on the empire
2. chinatown
3. narrator (in question)
4. I Like Ike
5. reality incompatibility matrix *

* ModernAngel

1. On Losing My Strip-Club Cherry *
2. My First Wedding
3. The Great Divorce
4. You May Be a Noder, But You Ain't No Dancer
5. A Elbereth Gilthoniel
6. anode

* ideath

1. game of essences *
2. eating out alone (as a composition)
3. Love Letter of Housekeeping
4. October 20, 2000
5. famous circle of friends
6. Dear Willa (from Portland)

* MightyMooquack

1. Bus door mechanism *
2. Quake shareware CD
3. Cockpit
4. Morrowind
5. the Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask

* Pseudo_Intellectual

1. Even though I sleep terribly with another body in the bed
2. i was expecting it to hurt like a fuck
3. Address to Malkin Bowl
4. I Swallow With Eyes That Eat *

* grundoon

1. another being's life
2. you are going to need to get a big princess type dress. I CANNOT fight for the honor of someone wearing cowgirl pjs
3. Mother's Day
4. butterfly soup *

* panamaus

1. Cold heart, bitter coffee *
2. Don't Give Up
3. Damn everything but the circus!
4. changing your sexuality
5. May 1, 2001

* thyme

1. Big Sur
2. Desolation Angels
3. Bug zapper
4. Orwellian *
5. Ebola
6. The Grapes of Wrath

* misuba

1. Story for an Advanced Child *
2. games vs. rituals
3. How to get lost
4. Snoopy and the Red Baron

* jasonm

1. Bumper Stickers about Kids who Beat Up Honor Students
2. sometimes, all you can do is be a friend *
3. Don't lie. Ever.
4. plankeye
5. M&M's standard operating procedure for bored engineers
6. Night Shivers

* steev

1. groundtruthing *
2. gracie's bird cage
3. Guy Debord
4. intertextuality
5. Appropriation

* Ourobouros

1. The Big Four
2. dust bison
3. Predication *
4. there's something there

* srkorn

1. Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
2. I'm never getting drunk again
3. Deconstruction of every single television advertisement, ever *
4. polyrhythms
5. March 26, 2001

* Jeeves

1. restless
2. April 12, 2001
3. pack rat *
4. September 9, 2001
5. high fructose corn syrup
6. heat

* conform

1. Popular wisdom to the contrary, it's not always the right time for sushi
2. avisodomy
3. The Miracle Worker *
4. Honey, if you love me won't you please please smile?

* Pseudomammal

1. Monterey by Cobra
2. Port Townsend, WA
3. Pachelbel's Canon
4. Jumping off a cliff * (read by vruba)

* RevPhil

1. Guess What?
2. I am a victim of hate crime and Pabst *
3. Flo
4. Bike Maul

* Eos

1. To be noble in an average life
2. You can bear arms, but you can't bare breasts
3. Beware of finding a Jesus entirely congenial to you *
4. I'm going to be a Dad
5. Thule Society
6. ignorant evil

* Glowing Fish

1. The time you live in is the time you die in
2. Error correction : A cross cultural methodology *
3. A libertarian paradox
4. The Cosmic Carrot
5. The conceptual difference between a food and a drug

* qousqous

1. What were you before you were anything at all? *
2. The Mall of America
3. Hlavní Nádraží
4. Zauberbär

* aphexious

1. God Algorithm *

* lawnjart

1. Words of advice for young noders *

* dann

1. Everything is a Family *

* Igloowhite

1. Everything, Kansas: A Manifesto *

---

First and foremost, I must express my eternal gratitude to Suzie, Steev, and (of course) Laurel, without whom the nodeslam would have been an infinitely bumpier ride. Thank you so much for your help.

Thanks, also, to everyone who shared a writing with us, and to all those who participated in the voting process (more or less the same group). You are all rockstars.

The list above now includes an asterisk after the title of each node which was presented.

The nodeslam was an amazing and, hesitantly, changing experience for me, both in organizing and experiencing it. There were many amazing and wonderful moments which, true to form, I cannot now adequately explain, and which I can only describe in the sort of mechanical prose reserved for microwave heating instructions. A few, nonetheless: hearing grundoon describe herself as a tower as imp/buddha treated her like a jungle gym; sitting up front and seeing the trembling hands of the most confident readers; watching a whiskey bottle change hands around and back again, tracing slowly growing concentric circles; reading first and barely breathing the whole way through. Too many more even to remember. Seriously, you guys gotta try this.