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Time: Tue, 5 Dec 2000 00:20:09 GMT
Everything server: Apache/1.3.9 (Unix) Debian/GNU mod_ssl/2.4.10 OpenSSL/0.9.4 mod_perl/1.21_03-dev

Number of nodes: 767808 (1008 new since December 4, 2000 [869.2 wa7])
Number of users: 20839 (81 new since December 4, 2000 [48.6 wa7])
Number of links: 2785481 (16239 new since December 4, 2000 [11626.3 wa7])
Number of writeups: 427486 (520 new since December 4, 2000 [460.3 wa7])
Number of cools: 49001 (174 new since December 4, 2000 [190.2 wa7])
Number of votes: 1489670 (8527 new since December 4, 2000 [7367.5 wa7])
Number of hits: 24434605 (152034 new since December 4, 2000 [128498.6 wa7])

Node to user ratio: 36.845 nodes per user
Link to node ratio: 3.628 links per node
Link to user ratio: 133.667 links per user
Link to writeup ratio: 6.516 links per writeup
Votes to cools ratio: 30.401 votes per cool
Cools to user ratio: 2.351 cools per user
Hits to user ratio: 1172.542 hits per user

New Nodes: [Time to gather up the splinters, make a casket for my tears.] [Theobromine] [Fred Allen] [avocado] [Don Quixote Chapter XXIV] [No one but me cares about the dent in my car] [the inadequacy of language as a medium for communication] [emusic] [avocado] [Prayer To God] [White Shame] [Tommy Hilfiger] [Grandwizard Theodore] [Dream Log: December 4, 2000] [Double Dragon]

Users Online (57): [General Wesc] [LordOmar] [Gamaliel] [kenata] [tftv256] [stand/alone/bitch] [deep thought] [hramyaegr] [Ereneta] [ToasterLeavings] [mattbw] [Jinmyo] [Demeter] [achan] [ansate] [coby] [melodrame] [Katyana] [piq] [narzos] [SB5] [WolfDaddy] [wh00t] [Jack Black] [cha0s] [AntonZ] [0137] [lemuru] [Percepied] [WonkoDSane] [Temporary man] [jt] [Ahab] [bus ridin' fool] [qousqous] [lazyr] [Anark] [Jennifer] [Sirius] [ZaphodBeeblebrox] [clearpebbles] [Pretzellogic] [little lost star] [MindVague] [Pakaran] [nbm] [mikemoto] [clearwing] [redboot] [Arrgh] [Thrunt] [Mr. Neutron] [Amadeo] [Phssthpok] [somniac] [5-7-5] [Doc Charlie]

JeffMagnus node count: 4061 (3 new since December 4, 2000)
JeffMagnus experience: 9991 (14 more since December 4, 2000)
JeffMagnus experience to node ratio: 2.460 XP per node
JeffMagnus nodeshare: 0.529% (Via alternate method: 0.950%)
JeffMagnus node of the day: http://slashdot.msn.com/

Still have not managed to C! even one single node. Have yet to even see a node that is not already C!'d. Is it because I'm only in the good neighborhoods?

Speaking of neighborhood, we moved over the weekend. Now all muscles sore, tired as all get out, but of course the indefatigable daughter has not missed a beat and rises with the sun and goes to bed with Letterman, alackaday.

I actually managed to do yoga this morning before she woke.

Today I just found out about the DEUM that’s going to be on the 16 of December. I am going with my friend Clearpebbles and on the way we will pick up Narzos in Austin we don’t know who he is or what he looks like I guess we are nice people well not really its just that he is a part of our group. All we know about this guy is that he is a guy, he’s 19, he attends UT Austin, and that we need to pick him up.
Today was a waste of a day I showed up to a class that had been canceled for today so I came to school for nothing. Well it was a waste of a learning day everything else was cool I found out I was cooled. Yup yup a daylog cooled that was great what else nothing much just about that.
I have resisted the urge to add a writeup to My 900th Writeup because I know it'll just get nuked, and rightfully so. Just the same, I have managed to become an Archivist (a Level 9 noder). Yes, I'd like a cookie, please.

Created a mix tape for liha, returning her favor with everything from Blue Man Group to the Brown Derbies, and featuring a few other interesting tracks.

Back to wearing a necktie at work. Could be worse -- an outfit including khakis and a Dilbert tie is perfectly acceptable. I have yet to attempt wearing a clip-on tie, but then again I don't think I have one.

I should have written more Christmas cards by now, but I'm stuck on a card for a guy who could celebrate Hanukkah or Solstice or Christmas or, for all I know Ramadan or Kwanzaa. I wish there were some "Happy Whatever Floats Your Boat This Time Of Year" cards at Hallmark.

oh, but you've gone and stumbled and, you are ahead of yourself, again.. this time, it is more than thoughts.

there are no words to describe memory sometimes, how it fills and the lost time that swirls about taunting, daring you to try and hold it with your old so young weary fingers. i hadn't forgotten, of course not, no and.. no, i don't know why she does that and, i wish i knew how to turn away troubles, yours, mine.

the morning was cold but i am not so frail as to notice, though sometimes i think that the wind seeps into my ears and numbs my brain bits, it makes the universe seem more those times.

i've never understood the mentality
of a doctor's office, the way that
all the sick little humans huddle
into one crowded area, so that they
might end up leaving with brand new
illness seething aboot their poor
brain support systems.

we went there and slow, always. i don't mind so much, i watched a young woman tend to her children and hold them to her as if they'd not live through another day were it not for eachother. it was peculiar, almost sort of. of. fo.

i spent the day with my father and we talked and it was almost nice to get out of the house, but not really. we tested out furniture. yes, we tested out the furniture in two stores, and we walked through a grocery store, marvelling at the crazy amounts of food. there is never so much food around here. we ate lunch, chinese, i was ready to order right away.. i was so decisive. this would mean more to the random masses, if they weren't so random.

i feel so far away from you. i don't like it.

Sitting in Belanger's room at lunch, writing an entry. Just let Erica have the pillow I brought to school because the chair was too low for her. I've had a strange couple of days.

It began on Saturday morning. I woke up at about 6:30 so that I could be ready by 7:30 and get to Gwynn Park by 8:00 for the SAT II. I had signed up for US Hist, Math II, and Chem, but during the test I decided to take Writing, Math II, and Physics. I think I did pretty well.

Then I raced off towards Bowie State University. It took about 20 minutes because I was driving about 90 MPH on 301. I got there at about 12:50 and they were in the middle of the second event.

I raced my three races... Ian DQed in backstroke on one of our relays, and we actually managed to beat Roosevelt in the 200 fly relay. I'm really glad, because according to most of the people on the swim team, my butterfly is getting a lot better. Kara D tried to fly, but she drowned. :p

Then we voted on captains... It was me, John, and Jeff who were chosen to be voted on... John is captain, Jeff is co-captain. I'm a little angry because the girls didn't get to vote. None of the guys on the swim team really like me except Jeff..... and I guess that makes sense. I didn't want to be captain anyway.

I was in the middle of changing, and it was just me and this other guy in the room. He was talking to me, and he seemed genuinely interested... I didn't know what to say, and just because he seemed to be showing interest, I found myself getting hard. I knew it was happening, so I got changed as quickly as I could. Unless he was really looking, I'm pretty sure he didn't notice.

We headed down 301 to the mall with Anne following us. Anne leaves us, and I find my transmission fails. I'm driving around in 1st gear, and I hear the engine and see the tacometer, and I decide to pull over and restart the car. It works again. YaY! Randy the mechanic.

We make it to the mall, and we walk around and get Kara gifts for her surprise party. Anne catches up to me, Skye, Susanne, and Kara, and she brings Andy and John. We spend all of our money, then go to some restaurant in the mall, the American Cafe or something. Kara pays for me (even though I gave her the $2 I had and spent less than $4 on my meal). The meals were horrible even though the waiter was hot. Fortunately, I just got French Fries, and they weren't bad. Anne's boyfriend, John, decides to battle it out with me in a drinking contest. I drank 8 cokes, he drank 7. He stopped, and just acted like he didn't want any more. I could tell he was about to throw up, because he was sucking those things down too fast. Once again, I am forced to assert my masculinity in a barabaric contest. How emBAREASSing for John. :p

Anne bought me a poster for Christmas... it was $3, but he was one of the hottest guys ever! O_O He's gorgeous. I hung him on the back of my door, where my parents will probably never have to look. :p

Then we decide to go to Pocket Change, but Skye, Andy, and I had no money so we went to this airbed store. We laid down, and started talking to the clerk guy. We became friends with him. :) His name is Daniel, and unfortunately he has a wife. Oh well. I'll hit on him anyway, and if he's interested, he's interested. ;) I don't want to be a homewrecker, but... if he wants to do something, obviously there's something wrong with the relationship anyway... right? RIGHT? Please someone help me confirm this so that I won't feel horrible about hitting on my guy. :)

I'm going to the store again tonight so that I can have somewhere quiet to do my homework. :) I also need to get The Stranger.

Anyhow, then we went to Pocket Change to meet the others. I showed my poster around, and Kara was trying to hit on the clerk so that she could get a penguin thing. When it wasn't working, I understood why (with how he was acting about my poster - he acted like it was the worst thing in the world, but he looked at it the whole time). But the guy wasn't cute. At all. So I wasn't about to be like Kara and hit on him like a monkey. He gave each of us a hug, though (he picked me all the way up off of the ground). LOL

We went to Pacific Sunwear, and there was another guy who was climbing a ladder to put some clothes up on a shelf. When I pointed him out, he was just under a spotlight, and Anne said he looked like an angel. Then everyone gave each other kisses on the cheek, and I gave Anne a giant lick. :p

We stopped back by the bed store, and Susanne and I got Daniel something to eat because he couldn't leave the store. Then we named the guy in my poster after Daniel. :) I so want to hit on that guy. ^^; Both of them.

So I take everyone home, and go to sleep.

The next morning, I knew that I have a lot of work to do that day. I go to church even though I was supposed to be working that morning. But my boss goes to my church, so I knew he'd be angrier if I had been working.

We finally sat in the right spots. There's some 30 year old guy in my church... He has a daughter, but I don't think he has a wife... He's really cute. Not in a drop dead sexy way, but there's just something about him that makes me really interested in him. I can't explain it.

Well, we sat in a such a way that we could look at each other without anyone else seeing. I was exchanging looks with him the entire service. We stared into each others' eyes for minutes at a time. When the preacher said something about homosexuality and other sexual immorality, we looked at each other, and I could see that it hurt him to hear that.

But I still don't know his name, and I still didn't speak to him. It's better that way.

I went home, and started working. I had one small error left, and I couldn't figure it out. Anne arrived early. I was already 30 minutes late, so I left it as it was.

I went to the firehouse- Andy had already left. I went to the place at 301 with Anne where I picked Susanne up. Then I got Seth, and Andy still wasn't at the firehouse, so I went home, and he was there pretty soon.

I picked Kara up, and we talked on the way to my house. I didn't let it slip like I thought I would. We get home, and go downstairs, and everyone yells surprise. Woo hoo! She was VERY surprised. It's only 2 weeks before her birthday. :p

We played Balderdash, then ate a HUGE meal, then played Truth or Dare Jenga (but Seth didn't have to kiss me, damn). Oh, but Skye's David did tickle me. That was really funny, because I was asking for it. ^^;

We watched Simpsons and Malcolm in the Middle, played twister, Seth started watching X-Files, and I checked my email. Everyone had to go home. They enjoyed it though, and I was glad that Kara was surprised. I started working. Before I knew it, I solved the problem...

My boss owes me big time on this one. :) It's probably gonna be about $300, but actually he'll probably give me $400 because it's Christmas and all.

Woo hoo! :)

Now I'm at school, and I'm tired. But I have my pillow. ^_^

Today was really interesting in the chatter box.

I destroyed --OutpostMir--'s home!

Proud of this... I am not.

I promise to the Everything2 Community that the Future EDB that dwells within me will never resurface. Never again in the history of E2 will he/she/it will it come back.

Well here it is again...

Notable Notables

  • The girlfriend got a new child development project. Fun stuff. It's a flower baby... but every time I try to open it and soak it.. she gets pissed... wonder why...?
  • Tired as hell is the phrase of the day. For some reason... I've just been tired as hell. No late noding... just exhausted.
  • Computer Networking went deep today with Routing Protocols. Fun stuff. Don't understand it for beans... hope to get it down soon... lots of late night studying. Joy.

    Well that's today.... I wonder about tomorrow..... hum.....

  • It's ten minutes after midnight, so I decided to write my day log under the proper date. Today was a good day, even though I slept a minimal three hours the previous night.

    I got to school and stayed preoccupied in the Band room, and by the time I realized it was time to get to class, the bell had sounded. The hall monitor was already sending kids to the in school suspension room, so I high-tailed it back to Band and did my work there. I'll be listed as skipping, but at least I did my typing, which she was going to make me do anyway. I even went to class afterward to let her know what happened. I'm so nice.

    The rest of the day was pretty normal. I have a history test tomorrow (I need to do well on it), and I've already done my Math for the entire week. We took a day out of swimming in gym class to review CPR. I almost broke the baby manequin's neck, though. Oops.

    After school, sleep deprivation finally caught up with me, and I collapsed on the couch. Two hours later, I was woken to go to dinner with my family. My dad announced the news that his offer on our new house was accepted, and we talked about all the work we'd have to do to get ready.

    Right now, though, my throat is bothering me. I think it might be strep throat, but I'll have to wait until tomorrow to see if it progresses. Maybe I'll get to stay home and do some noding...

    Another fine day until I got alone. I tried to play my guitar, but I kept fucking up. I took off my boots and got a twisted ankle, and I think I'm getting arthritis in my left pointing finger. I'm only fucking 22 years old.

    I tried to do several artistic things today, like every day, but they all failed miserably. I hate this. I hate this lonliness that I can't get away from without my girlfriend. And when she's around, sometimes I want to be alone, and I can't win. I feel the near uncontrollable urge to break something. At least it's before winter break, where I can relax with some books and a forced downtime from the Internet.

    It's times like this I'm glad no one I know uses everything2.

    At least I don't really have the two girl situation to worry about anymore. I'm too crazy to really concern myself with it. Finals Week is next week. After that, I'm going home and hopefully avoid a nervous breakdown. I know I can't work, esp. in retail hell. The more I think about it the more I want to be an professor or something. I want to play music, too, but no one wants to play anything like me. And, besides, I suck.

    I'll be fine tomorrow--I'm pretty sure. I hope. Time to sleep.


    So, after short life with test5, I got test11 via Kernel Patches. (Haven't done that for ages!)

    After Furious Tuning™, the net results:

    • bttv works. Yippeee. Still no streaming, though - but I think it may be because of the general fact that recording audio from ESS Solo1 has always been problematic...
    • Sound works. Yippeee. (But as indicated above, recording still doesn't work...)
    • DRI still doesn't work. =(

    Net result?

    ± 0

    So I got to sleep at 3 with a headache, after losing a lot of social interaction and stuff like that, and woke up early. (Too bad I dozed there 'til 12... =)

    I'm NOT going to Usenet straight today. I have 10 mk or so money, I need to go to the town to get money and eat and stuff. Argh.

    Wellwell, time to face the challenges of the day.

    Oh, my ICQ NumbA: 4291042


    Another thing that Probably Pissed Me Off.

    When I compiled kernel yesterday, I thought, "USB? I don't have any USB devices, I think I can leave it out." Today, I bought a Microsoft Sidewinder gamepad. Then I noticed it had USB logo on the top. Aaaaaaarghta. =)

    I also bought the newest Eläkeläiset record... That stuph is damn near impossible to find from Napster, anyway, and I have a headache so I saved braincells with this decision.


    Somehow, I'm getting an impression this really isn't my day...

    Horr-rible headache when I was out...

    Twice "Ack! You lost experience!" (Damn it, I made a mistake!). Some people thought my .signature was cool, and really, really many people asked how it works. So I thought, of course, it would be nodeworthy. Judging from downvotes, it wasn't. ::deep sigh:: MUCH higher quality standards, I guess. See? I can't code myself out of a paper bag...

    ::goes back to cry in the corner::


    I suck.

    Bye. Time to cry for this evening or something... Or maybe not. I need rest, either way.


    Someone please write to me...


    Well, then something helpful and motivating things... I got the Permission To Assimilate one document, so I'll be noding it. (Needed to split it into chapters, too long to node as one part!)

    I hope this evening won't suck as much as this day did...

    Awww hell. I wish some stuff will look more interesting...


    Okay, this is pathetic, but hey, I don't think I have much choice...

    To you, whoever you happen to be: I wish you could take a moment to mail me, even just to say hello or something. I don't get much thanks for the stuff I do, and the Rep numbers here are so impersonal. ::sigh::

    And for new e2 users out there: If you have any questions, please do mail me. There's a reason why my E-mail address is in the mentor list: If you have a stupid question, go ahead and ask it from me. I've never laughed at stupid questions - at least not without answering them well. =)

    (And the address is in the homenode, of course...)


    Well I'll be damned... after Yet Another Kernel Recompile, the DRI works, and I can play Tux Racer in a window now and the graphics are actually fast. =)

    And it flickers like hell and leaves polygons unpainted... =( The Rumors Were True. Plus, some 2D applications (like Mozilla) flix0r even more.

    I'll upgrade the X server.

    1 packages upgraded, 0 newly installed, 0 to remove and 425 not upgraded.
    Need to get 6662kB of archives. After unpacking 17.4MB will be freed.
    Get:1 ftp://ftp.debian.org unstable/main xserver-xfree86 4.0.1-9 [6662kB]

    Well duh, looks like the old 4.0.1-Phase2 packages were Severely Bloated. =)



    I opened xawtv and guess what this DRI-enabled Truly Flashy (literally) X server did?

    Brought the OS to halt.

    "Just like in d' good ol' times...."

    Never Trust A Smiling Kernel Module.

    fsck fsck fsck. (literally. Three partitions to fsck. No, it didn't even auto-fsck, I needed to run e2fsck by hand, luckily nothing seems to be lost... And No, That Doesn't Mean That E2 Sucks, No, I'm stressed right now.)

    And then the MOUSE stopped working again. (Post-Windows-use hystery?)

    Just a proof that even Linux isn't perfect, you know... All OSes suck, Linux (even after stuff like this) sucks less...

    Other day logs o' mine...

    Noded today by y.t.: Nothing, it seems.


    i decided this morning that i should have gotten three stones in the ring i bought for mom, ruby, amethyst, and opal. so i ordered a new ring. since the first ring i bought (and which arrived yesterday) is non-returnable, i think i may keep it for myself. we shall see. the ring is very pretty, but i really felt that in order for the ring to be a really nice mother's ring, i wanted her stone. see, me and my sister, we're not like my mother's children. well, we are, but we're also gabbing girlfriends, friends, equals. leaving mom's birthstone out implies some sort of separation or difference between the relationship between me and my sister and the relationship between us all. so. i ordered another ring.

    tonight i will try to finish up the first attempts at my gift for grandma. i have created a sun shaped mold with a rough mold of my face in the center. tonight it will be casted in permastone.

    i think i have found a solution to the problem of cozmo and how i can keep him and still spend weekend time in virginia if i am so inclined. i will bring the idea up to my boyfriend and his roommates. i will buy a crate, food and water dish, and a space heater. then he can stay in their enclosed porch at night and while we're out. we'll see how this idea is recieved.

    for now, i have a lot of work to do. more later...
    this week is busy as fuck, and i'd been worried that some tasks, tossed at me out of nowhere, might not get done well enough to pass muster. well. things seem to be working okay so far. despite having to work with a stupid, sexist, bumbling fool, things are going well. seems like he actually did some things properly.

    my main development tasks are on hold for a few days so i can get this stuff done, but it's kind of nice taking a break from coding to write simple documents and

    guh. i spoke too soon. so nothing is working, actually. and it all has to do with shit from the stupid, sexist, bumbling fool. ugh. i should have knocked on wood after having thought things were going well. bah.
    and things just got worse from there. i am too stressed to stop and think about hard links. the sexist stupid guy fucked up a cd creation. as a result, all unix source code has ^M newlines, and none of the windows code compiles. after asking him to make a new cd, he refused. i told him then that he could have the responsibility for this task. he said okay, so i went to the bossman and explained that alberto refused to make a new cd, and as such he was going to take responsibility. he told me to tell him to "make that fucking cd or there would be hell to pay". after passing along the message he still refused. after more threats, he agreed. but he made the cd incorrectly, yet again. windows code would not compile. he mentioned extra steps would be required to build the windows code, as it contained source code we didn't develop. i asked him for the extra steps necessary, and he said he didn't know. i asked why he thought it was outside his realm of responsibility to know how to work with a cd of source code he created. he said i was the person who compiles, it wasn't his job to know. but oh ho ho. yeah it is his job to know. recently, he said he would perform test builds of newly checked-in code, so that he could inform developers of problems. then i do an official build which gets turned over to QA for testing. so he is supposed to know how to assemble the software. but he doesn't. i tried explaining to him several times what we need from this cd. voices were raised. he asked me to show some respect and i yelled "i have none for you". a crowd had gathered. i told him to leave my office and when he wouldn't i shut the door on him, tired of explaining the obvious to him over and over again. he simply refuses to take responsibility. for anything. he only does the minimal necessary. when he fucks up he blames anyone but himself.

    so i just go home. it's not worth getting so bent over work.

    get home. cozmo got out of his room. the house is in shambles. he chewed up paper and a styrofoam thingie. then there was the poop and pee. i can't punish him for it. i got to work shortly after six, and i got home around six. i usually leave between three and four, but this fucked up situation held me up. he couldn't hold it that long. it's my own fault. but it doesn't help my mood at all.

    so i vacuumed up the stuff he chewed and steam cleaned the stuff he excreted. now i'm going to chill the fuck out. adios.


    7:30am EST
    I feel a bit off since last night, not having talked to her when she said that she'd phone. Instead, she went out with a whole bunch of guy friends to some commoner bar. Talk about burning in the brain jealousy, two of the guys are after her. I know she tells me that she's not attracted to any one of them.

    Thank god!

    But one thinks he can get away with rumaging through her private things, and the other believes we will probably break-up again.

    That does not help the situation!

    I hate them. (I don't usually hate people.) I hate them for thinking like that. Leave my Love alone! She's not for you! We will be married soon, and that will be that! So don't even try anything if you're reading this! You can't beat true love!

    Then, another thought entered my mind. Dammit! Too bad it wasn't a dream. I wished so hard that it was.

    8:30 am EST
    I'm at the dining table with my mom explaining to her my encounter with vandalism last night. The dent in my car is making me sick while I eat a coconut tart. I bitch about people who takes the satisfaction out of owning a car. She surmises there must be something mentally wrong with people who can be so jealous about a good looking car, they are willing to have them damaged or destroyed. In any case, cars cost money. And when they get damaged, cars cost even more.

    Life for me is beginning to suck again. I was wondering when it would catch up to me.

    4:00pm EST
    I called my insurance guy about the big dent. He said that it wouldn't affect my premiums if it wasn't my fault. And well, it wasn't. But I'd have to pay the deductible to get the dent out. Dammit! I even tried to match the bumper of the car next to me to see if that was the culprit. The evidence is inconclusive. I need to do a paint-composition match test. Conclusive results will get forgo my deductible payment! Is this going a little extreme? I think not!


    The insomnia is still going strong.

    I have slept for approx. 4 hours since last sunday. Feeling much more numb and detached I did yesterday. I have reached the point where I would pay or give anything to get a good night's sleep, but there's not much anyone can do.

    I don't have any idea on why this is happening. I am probably just stressed out from my work subconsciously, and that is keeping me up.
    Maybe I should quit.
    Losing a low-paying job would be a small price for getting over this sleep deprivation.

    Number Two Son and I arrived 5 minutes early for his orthodontist's appointment and since we live 45 minutes away he didn't have time to brush his teeth before we left. The receptionist told him to go on back when he arrived...he explains that he needs to brush his teeth and while he was in the bathroom she tells another patient,

    You can go on back now. He lost his place because he had to brush his teeth.

    Before I knew what I was doing I was halfway across the waiting room wondering what I was going to say and out came the words,

    I don't appreciate what you just said about my son.

    ha ha'd the receptionist, I was just joking with that girl, I always joke with her like that.......

    I bit thoughts back failing to see what was so funny about her using my son as the butt of her joke and returned to my seat. I've always had the philosophy as a parent that if I don't stand up for my kids no one else will.

    Number Two Son finished his check up and in the car on the way home I told him about Mother Bear coming out to snarl at the receptionist (the boys always get excited to see Mother Bear:)

    Good!, he says, then I'm glad I stole a piece of gum for you..
    (The dentist gives it to them to help adjust the teeth faster and lessens the ache from the adjustments).....and we munched merrily on the gun together for a while.

    Pretty soon I hear him chewing away on his bubble gum with his mouth open...... and trying to instill some social skills I encourage him to stop smacking his gum. A few moments later he's busy noisily popping bubbles. Now I don't mind this usually, but Mother Bear was still prowling around inside and I was trying to calm down ......a little quiet was what I wanted.

    Please stop blowing bubbles..... says I, I'm trying to calm down after what SHE said about you.

    One last bubble he decided before he stopped and


    out of his mouth flies the gum, bubble and all

    Oh for heavens's sakes!!!! I good naturedly chided him. Stop spitting your gum out in the car!

    We had to pull over on Swan and Sunrise until I quit laughing while he playfully pummled my arm

    ow! ow! STOP IT!! OW!

    We are from God. Whoever knows God listens to us, and whoever is not from God does not listen to us. From this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error.
    - 1 John 4:6 (NLT)


    I'm moving! Yay!   to a prison for those who abuse large fonts!

    yay, I'm moving to a new apartment in the same building. laundry machine, here I come. I'm ridiculously excited about it. I'm even looking forward to getting some Easy-Off, which is easily the most vile substance known to man, and scrubbing down my oven. Itchy feet, itchy feet.


    The Dave Matthews Band concert yesterday ruled! They played Halloween, which they play maybe 6 or 7 times a year, so I felt very special. Other notable songs were Two Step, Jimi Thing, Granny, Grey Street, Watchtower and Crush. After the show, a local radio station played most of DMB's songs not played at the concert for the ride home.

    In other news, as an intern at my company (www.dmcinfo.com), I have been working my hindquarters off. Today I even went out to see one of our clients to drop off some equipment and to discuss the next few weeks of work. Today I get to work with a new piece of software we got in yesterday and probably put it in one of my other projects. Ah well, no rest for the wicked.

    I went to bed late last night. I was on the phone til 3 AM with Lith. I hate going to bed late. It seems that every time I go to bed late I don’t dream. My mom woke me up at 6:30. I sat in bed debating whether or not to go to my 7:45 class. I decided not to.

    We didn't do much in Computer Science class. We went over searching and sorting string arrays. Class let out early. This is when I saw him again. I don’t know why I am attracted to Him. His appearance is just so perfect, and I'm afraid to talk to him because I don’t want the thought in my head that he's perfect to fade away. My friends tell me to just go talk to him. I can't. I like the feeling I get when I see him.I don’t want to lose it.

    We followed Him out to the science building. The plan was to jump Him and take his glasses. When we were close to him a group of friends showed up and we decided to chat. (not like we actually would have jumped Him)
    My friends then walked me to the Japanese Animation Club meeting. I found out that our club anniversary is on the same day of the bombing of Pearl Harbor. We decided not to celebrate it. We watched the final chapter of Tenchi and some other anime that won’t come to my head right now. I then walked to my car. It won’t start. It’s cold and rainy outside and I didn’t care to deal with it just yet. Now I wait. I wait for redboot to get out of his class so he can have a look at it. Hopefully it’ll start running. If not…I guess I can ask him for a ride in his 1968 Chevy Impala. As I wait for him...I node.

    Well, after rethinking the laptop choices I've made, I've decided on a different one. HP has a model called the N5170 it's a PIII 600, 7GB, 64MB, 14" w/DVD on an S3 savage, for exactly half of the one I was looking at. For a limited time only... So I'm going to sell some of my stocks today to do such. This will work better methinks.

    In other news the boss has been gone all day, so the three techs (myself included) took to town to goof off for a few hours. We had a good time. Now however, it is time to get serious and work some before the boss gets back.

    The truth is what she tried to teach
    And her students she was beginning to reach
    But she did not teach the white-approved history
    So she was taken away; causing her students much misery
    She was taken to jail and killed.

    Iggy Iggy Iggy, the cheese is green
    Sometimes my cow is just so mean
    In jail she became a quaker
    Cause they tried to shake 'er
    From her chosen path.

    Fucked up though it was,
    It sure gave her a buzz
    The pigs arrived,
    She took a drive.
    Don't use crack.

    Today I logged in, and found various messages for me, of people complaining about lack of links on some of my newest nodes. I know I really suck at this, but I'm updating my nodes on a bimonthly basis. (I'm here for a long while, but I don't log often.

    BTW, Who cares about this rant?).

    Ben was really tired of life today. I felt sympathetic but unable to help. I understand where he is coming from but I have to live my life how I want and hang out with who I want. How is it possible for me to think in any other way? Poor guy. Things aren't going well for him at all. If I got a dent in my car, I wouldn't care but to him it is extremely important. I respect that and he pays the same respect to me. All I could do was point out some practical solutions.

    We were talking about marriage today. Do people like Monica Geller really exist? I don't give a fuck about the how and where of my wedding ceremony. I don't even want one but it matters to him so I'll do it. He is so much more conventional than I am.

    D made a snowman and perched it in front of the house. He did an outstanding job - extremely well executed and presented. He didn't want me to tell our landlady, but I HAD TO! It is so cute!!! She reacted pretty well, but she is hard to read. She was a waitress for many years, and is ALWAYS friendly and smiley in any circumstance. I have a difficult time with people who put a happy face on everything.

    On a crappy note, something terrible happened to my mother in England. I will have to phone my brother tonight to see if it is appropriate for us to step in.

    10:50 PM

    It was a fairly cool day. I was still quite tired today at work, but I kept fairly busy. I got a program done, and spent most of the day slacking. TC invited me to come with some of them to a pool hall after work, so I left work early to go hang out.

    We shot pool for about 2 hours. I suck. I've never been to a pool hall before, but I did get a streak of five shots in a row. It was fun. Most of the people there were friends of a friend/co-worker who I shall call CR; I knew about half of them. TC brought a friend who's down here from up north. TC is always hanging with some cool people; she's cute and fun to hang with. She'll never have trouble making friends. Me, I've got to work hard at it :)

    After pool, we headed over to Dennys and had a snack. I ate a bunch while at the pool hall, they had chicken fingers that tasted more like chicken-broth battered french fries, but I liked them, so I filled up on them since everyone else seemed to think they sucked.

    I missed the gym tonight. This is the first night I haven't gone since I started. I think I should go tomorrow morning and tommorrow evening to make up for it. I will have to get up at 9am though so I have time to go and get back to take a shower.

    This is the day I met Sara.

    I kind of noticed something special about her when we were at Denny's (I sat across from her). But me being my introverted self, I never even considered her a possibility because she was so attractive I just assumed she must have had a boyfriend already. I remember her thinking that it was odd that I ordered a salad without salad dressing. She was cute (as she always is), and I can still remember seeing her clearly in my head. I could tell she was smart and had a good spirit; she just had this glimmer in her eyes that gave it away.
    Today I introduced myself to Everything.

    Today I got Cooled for the first time.

    Today was a rough day at work, but I don't want to dwell on that.

    I was depressed today.

    Not really sad or anything, just in that mellow slump of depression that settles over you like you're stoned, but you're not. I just didn't have a lot of drive.

    Today I made new connections of thought, both in my own mind, and in Everything.

    I learned some new SQL today. I immediately put what I learned to practical use. That gave me a satisfied feeling for a moment.

    It was sunny-warm out, and the sky was blue and the air was crisp and cool. A business associate took me and someone else out for a free lunch, and I just listened to the conversation, without saying much. I had a pretty good buffalo chicken sandwich. Our waitress was in training, but she managed to keep my glass full, so all was good.

    I went back to work and realized I was still depressed...weird, since it was generally in every other respect a great day.

    I'll try to smile tomorrow.
    I haven't written in a while because I was afraid to. I didn't want anyone to know my secrets, there are still some things that can never be found out by anyone. I am a bad person. I tried to break up a relationship and learned that I cannot control everything, that some things are not up to me. It didn't work, and I almost lost him as a friend. I went over there today to reconcile and I think it worked.

    I'm actually friends with her, that dumb bitch co-worker of mine, his girlfriend who I despised three days ago. Well not really friends, I'm just ok with her and talk to her more than he does. He screwed up, so did I. We're trying to fix things and ourselves. I tried to talk some sense into her, I don't think it worked, some people only hear what they want to.

    I wanted to push everyone away today, I'd like to sink into the sweet abyss of loneliness and be happy there. I wish that I didn't need anyone. Nothing worked out for me, I don't have what I want, or who I want. I need to accept this and I think I have. The thought of a state of normalcy intrigues me. Maybe it's best this way though.

    Buenas noches.
    I suppose it kind of bugs me when people start writing logs for the next day before I get to this ones... but hey...

    Got up this morning to check my email. Somebody mentioned on a mailing list that o ž não existe em inglês, and so I had to answer that; it took me some time, considering that Portuguese is not my L1; I had to do a lot of looking in the archive for certain words, and dashing to Babelfish for others. Babelfish is not very good for technical terms in Portuguese, apparently; I think it didn't even have allophone.

    At breakfast I kept up reading about the Hittites for my Archaeology class. (I have to finish this book and write a book report by the end of the semester.) Now I know that apparently, the Hittites did not actually call their language "Hittite"; they spoke Nesite in H̯attus̆a. But Nesite gets called Hittite, and actual Hittite gets called Hattian.

    In Production Animation class I tried to continue working on my project: I have to model a fairy in Maya. I get to use subdivision surfaces, which are interesting, only the model I have to build isn't very well specified (they drew one, yes one reference concept art rendition)...

    I fell asleep in Lighting class, so I'm afraid I can't tell you what happens when you mix tungsten and daylight in a single scene. I wasn't the only one to go sleepy though... it's so easy to: our class meets on a living room set, and half of us are on the couch or in armchairs.

    Archaeology class was about the fall of Babylon; Nebuchadnezzar this, Nabopolassar that, Nabonidus and Belshazzar the other. And Daniel too; MENE, MENE, TEKEL, UPHARSIN.

    The Christmas tree lighting was today. A lot of people sang and played music; there was a choir of children who, er, tried valiantly. Some irregularities in the sound system didn't help them; I know some people were laughing at them... I felt bad about that. After the music, the firetrucks came by with Santa Claus in them. He was lifted in the, ah, whatchamacallit crane-ladder-thingy, and him and his helper tossed candy canes to the crowd, just like every year... only the little kids underfoot seemed a lot more determined to get every last one than usual. Then when Santa reached the top of the tree, the countdown (5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1..) went and the tree light up. Then donut holes and hot chocolate for everybody--I'm afraid the hot chocolate had milk in it though, urkh--but all in all, it was okay.

    My friend wanted me to help him learn Spanish some. It's very odd: Spanish seems (to my ear) a horrifyingly simple language, especially in terms of pronunciation. But he had big troubles, especially with epenthetic r's (I told him--you can't just make them up!), with the d's, and with the vowels! Aii! Relatedly, does anyone know a good way to describe how to make a palatal fricative to someone whose language doesn't have it? I tried, but to little avail. :\

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