The day I'll turn 20. Plans pending, but I'll probably wind up sitting on my ass in front of the computer like any other day. Terribly depressing.


Suffering from the usual weekend low.

Once again, It's that time of the week. Everyone I know is either out there partying or spending time with their significant others. Thanks to my looks, I'm not welcome to parties and can't find a girl in my dreams. So apart from the few pals I may meet on E2/IRC and my family, I'm pretty much cut off from any human contact for the 2.5 days.
It's not like I wouldn't have anything to do. Quite the contrary. There are tons of enjoyable activities, but in the midst of all the sequencing and modeling one starts to long for emotion, warmth and plain old fun with friends. The feeling of isolation doesn't get to me easily, but when it does I'm down faster you can say "EDB".
Perhaps I should just stop thinking about all this and concentrate more on the things I spend my time on. If I'm doomed to be lonely and unable to find love and companionship, so be it. Spending my entire life feeling sorry for myself is not what I've had in mind. But sometimes I just can't help it - hence childish writeups like this one.
Thankfully I can't dwell on this silly crap next week. Tri-annual IRC parties kick ass.

Btw, happy birthday to binarydreams!

All incoherency in this WU so far is purely caused by extreme weariness. Apologies.

02.18 gmt
Oooo, it's the hour that exists twice..

I was told to be home by 3am, so kinda rushed my way home. Then realised that the clocks had gone back and it was 2am again. Silly me..

So what was I up to? We were at the union - on account of the fact that it's pissing down, I drove - and just before 11 left one bar to go to another, but it was full. So we left the cozy confines of the GU, to head down to somewhere on Byres Road. Mistake. They were id'ing people. Half of us couldn't get in. And the clubs close their doors at 11, so we were kinda stuck.

So we headed back to someone's house, by way of a couple of other houses for drink. And Dave decided to tape lots of stuff together.. And much silliness occured.

03.53 gmt

I emailed the guy on the radio with the above rant.. he just read it out. And he first said I was someone who emails him regularly, but then changed his mind and called me an "irregular". I feel honoured.. :)
and now I'm going to bed..

I woke up at exactly 8:00am. This was my first mistake. I should have woken up at 6:30am, because I had to be in downtown Portland for a driver improvement class at exactly 8:00. So, as you can see, waking up at 8:00 instead of 6:30 got my day off to a terrible start. I obviously missed the class.

No skin off my back, though. It's not like I need a driver improvement class. I'm a good driver. It just so happens that I'm also a fast driver, and the DMV doesn't like fast drivers, so they send us to driver improvement courses. Sigh. They'll probably try to revoke my license since I missed the class, but I'll be eighteen in a few weeks and all that silly crap will get swept away and I'll have a clean slate. Then I can get as many speeding tickets as I want, as long as I don't mind paying for them. Yay!

For lack of anything cooler to do, vandemore and I drove around aimlessly for a while. We ended up at the mall, which was cool, because people in malls are funny. We continued walking around aimlessly, decided we were hungry, and went to the food court. I got a bourbon chicken burger from some Cajun place. I then proceeded, on my first bite, to dump the contents of the burger all over my shirt and pants. This didn't surprise me at all, sadly. I spent the next few minutes rubbing sauce out of my clothing and picking at the chicken with a fork. Yum.

We discussed ways to make money. Ideally, I'd get paid for noding. But unless Blockstackers spontaneously decides to hire me, that ain't gonna' happen. So of course, the conversation turned to whether or not either of us would ever consider robbing banks. Several feasible methods for pulling off a successful bank robbery were discussed. We also spent some time wondering whether the evolution of society has played a role in determining why there seem to be more fat women than fat men. In the end, though, I think I decided it's just some kind of statistical oddity. Or perhaps fat women just look fatter than fat men, so we don't notice fat men as much. I dunno.

vandemore dropped me off at my apartment later, and there was a tiny little white fluffy-haired dog wandering around outside. It had been raining all day, and the poor dog was soaking wet and obviously not feeling great. Its two back legs were gimpy, too. And it was wearing a collar. I instantly hated the dog's owners.

I walked up to it slowly, clicking my tongue to get its attention. It saw me and started jumping around in circles (an odd sight, considering the gimpy legs). It hobbled up to me and I started to read the tag on the collar, when a nearby apartment door opened and some big fat guy in a wife beater shirt waddled out carrying a newspaper and yelled something at me in Spanish. The dog took off and ran into the apartment. The guy yelled at me again. My Spanish vocabulary is quite limited, but it sounded like he was saying something like "My dog, leave it alone, go away." Goddammit, I hate it when I try to do something nice and end up getting shit for it. I gave him a mean look and went home.

What a weird day. I want a life, bad.

Today I shopped, got presents for the office, and met Factgirl, Wintersweet & family.

I couldn't stay at Wintersweet's long, which I feel guilty about, along with my lack of halloween dress (but I am a repressed British person).

They're both cute.

I'm starting to think about packing now, I fly back tomorrow, and people are requesting I come into work to fix network problems. Of course these problems have been there since I left, so one more day won't hurt.

Now how to pack all those DVDs ...

I took delivery of my wife's new Proton Perdana V6 yesterday. It seems to be the start of a long relationship, perhaps longer than the 8 years we had with our previous Proton Wira.

It is the cheapest car you can get bigger than Proton Wira in this neck of the woods, due to all those import taxes.

Argh! ... I just found out about what happened to Dman on September 20, 2000, indirectly from Uberfetus chatter in the catbox. EUS shows his last writeup to be on September 19, 2000, and his home node show he had logged in on October 28, 2000. Finally, I read bones editorial in Dman's home node. Hmmm ... I remember some good stuffs from Dman, in writeup and /msg.

Update October 29, 2000 evening MYT. I also just noticed that Saige have gone, and came back from dmoz, last writeup October 26, 2000. Though it seems she'll not be as active as before.

I went a visiting to I noted that even my favourite search engine, google, is using dmoz (aka Open Directory Project. I've applied for editor rights to one small part, related to my neck of the woods. The collaborative community of noders / editors looks superficially similar to E2. There are root, editall, catmv and meta on dmoz; that looks equivalent to root, editors and gods on E2.

Ok. So no girlfriend and I am home alone. What to do? I decided since I am a Windows drone now that I should probably learn Visual Basic. I ran down to Tattered Cover and grabbed a book. My neighbor gave me some Visual Studio loving (the enterprise version even which I don't have the HD space to install all of) so I've just been sitting here with it. I write C in the notepad thing and I opened Visual Basic for the first time only to be confronted with too many little windows, lists, clicky boxes. Conclusion: It's a little like playing with Legos. I don't know if Visual Basic is useful for anything at all but I sure did make some kooky little exes. Diagnosis Bill Gates doesn't own my ass chip but I like new toys. After this semester it's back to the wunnerful, wunnerful world of Linux. Whew. I was starting to feel guilty. Treason!

Yoon is far away at some teacher seminar sleep over deal and all I did was learn a lousy programming language.

Halloween approaches and I shrug at it. A nearby house had some techno beat blaring out of it with a monster voice saying "Prepare to die!" over and over again. I took this as an sign to stop taking things so seriously. I was briefly alarmed at the effigies hanging from the tree in their front yard. After standing there for a minute one of the residents came outside. He was African-American so I said I had something for him and that I'd be right back. I ran home and grabbed the white styrofoam heads that have been sitting in my closet for six months. I brought them back to the house down the street. They were a little wary at first maybe because I was a white guy trying to get them to lynch white people in effigy. After the initial confusion I told them that we it was just between them and me. I stayed for a beer or two. It's nice to make new friends in the neighborhood.

Wow. I just did a bit of poking and discovered that the bookstore I was at just a few hours ago is noded. Tattered Cover is indeed a fine bookstore. Unfortunately, the Christmas buying onslaught has already begun so I wasn't able to give the folks in the Computer section the hard time that they expect. I'm probably going to end up working there at some point anyway.

I just realized that today has been a nothing day. I have sat on my ass in front of the evil glowing box for way too long. I miss my girlfriend and I am not ready for the Holiday Trilogy that looms in the not-so-distant future.

Christmas was always tense at my parent's house when I was growing up. I am the oldest and I was always trying to convince my parents to buy the younger kids some presents. My parents bought beer. I don't like the associations I guess. I like to buy people who I love presents at random times when I am just thinking about them. The ugly vibe I remember from past Christmas disasters never seems to go away. How typical.

We decided to put trip to DC off until next week for a number of reasons. First, Chris got Mechwarrior 4 demo- he's friggin obsessed with that series. Second, I never wrote the three papers I was supposed to write Friday night, or Saturday afternoon or night. Brian just bought a copy of Command and Conqueor: Red Alert 2 and let me play a few scenarios. It's okay. I think I'm too used to Starcraft's look and feel.

Big talk over my noding CIA World Factbook. I got lots of fan and flame msgs for it. I just wished people would stop praising me for it and vote them into the positive (hint, hint). Heh, it seems that some jerks took that to mean "look through his node list and downvote as many as write ups as I can". Their maturity and class overwhelms me.

Rob is busy organizing a weekly Beer and Porno Night. Everyone seems pretty excited about it- except of course Rebecca and the other girls on our hall. Basically, it seems we're going to storm the lounge in Hanover and just make ourselves at home. Liz is one of the few girls who might be up for it, though she might need a few beers to "get in the mood". I don't think Claire would be too thrilled over the idea of me going to it. Once again, we're still purely platonic. And by platonic I mean the "pure, nonsexual; philosophical, idealized" kind of best friend relationship. While talking to Scott I admitted that we definitly have something special, it's not every day you spend seven hours talking to a girl. He insists that I should "see if it could be something more," while I'm overly content at our present state. I've said it before, but it's like if someone gave you five billion dollars and offered you another fifty billion. Sure it's more, but five billion is so much in the first place, almost an excess actually. As I said in my node yesterday, I'm going to just outright ask her what she wants.

Atleast when the timing's right...
Events herein described are the actions of myself, and two male cronies of mine. Two of us are single, and one of us is very married.
I had a relatively good day today. Saw The Legend of Druken Master. Jackie Chan movies are like sex and pizza. Even a bad one is still pretty good. And this movie was frickin' great. No American can resist a movie where the English are the bad guys. (Or at least, that's my logic behind why The Patriot did so well.)

After Druken Master we hit a Red Robin's for some food. I had a no-pass peppercorn burger. Mmm...gas. After most of the food was done, and we were sitting there in that post eating bliss, enjoying that moment where beef is bursting from every pore, we had the usual problem of needing refills on our drinks. Our waiter came up and gathered the cups, and moved the foot or so to the drink station. As he was filling the glasses, one of my friends softly said something like "Serve me, dangit!".

Now, I'm many things, and funny and fat are two of them. What happens to give me the "funny" title is the thing what happens to most people who are considered funny. They take external stimuli, and quickly create output that is worded in a humorous fashion, and they don't stop the result from being said. This last part is key. If I had self control, I'd probably be considered as boring as I actually should be.

So, having been prompted with "Serve me, dangit!", I sallied forth with the line "I'm a fat man! Serve me!", with the appropriate hand slam on the table for emphasis. Unfortunately, I said this much louder than I intended. Our waiter turned around and gave me a dirty look. I spent the rest of our visit apologizing to him for having said that.

Post Red-Robin's, we went to the Capitol Theater in beautiful downtown Olympia to see Incubus. If you ever get the chance to see that beautiful movie (Think William Shatner, demoness, and Esperanto), run the other way.

What is wrong with me? Why the hell am I here.... Why does she keep on saying mean things? They are not mean in themselves but just seem to hurt me. Maybe i'm a fucking wuss. Why does she promise things but always seems to forget or be busy? Why does she find time to be on ICQ to talk to me, or call me on the phone but never see me? Why does she have time to go to parties - parties without me?

Today she said this guys driving was awesome. He did 100 km/h. She told me to slow down yesterday because she was scared. She told me how she wanted a hug and missed me but didn't have time to meet. Why the fuck is she so inconsistent? What is it that I'm doing wrong? ...

More importantly why the hell can't i move on? Is it the sweet voice, her little pretty asian eyes the way she smells, what? WHAT?....argh...fuck this...

In other news... it's 2am now and i gotta work tomorrow at 9. my boss asked me on friday why im "on the internet referring to the E2 IE window. I guess i'll have to see if E2 supports lynx. or w3m.

Very pissed off and depressed MrFurious signing off at 2:09 PST in this nasty, nasty sunday morning.

I just hope then i can laugh about this 10 years from now. Good night.

sleep walk to street sounds, and something is pulling me, towards peach coloured lights and silhouettes, but i know we've no mountains there. the horses were awake i'm sure, before i had thought of crawling from an inconsistent rest, backwards peculiar dreams. in an instant it seemed entire universe fell into place but was marked only by an intensity in the daymorninglight.

breath hasn't been coming so easily to me as of late and i've tossed the idea of asthma around again but, am not so sure. just want to feel or sleep longer than i might.

so i have walked, and will most likely
continue to do so, to a certain point
along the sidewalk towards the church.
there is a tree that i've watched,
periodically, have brought myself to
see its progression into fall. to watch
the glowing yellows, oranges, the brown
and now, nothing. it is so naked.

this room looks so pretty bathed in soft orange light.

when you're gone..

i still am here and, the universe is alive i still breathe but nothing is the same. that you could see each little vein as the sun slides through it, each tiny perfect blemish on the leaves, and i am sitting atop a leaf. remembered raindrops.. the way that you fell into me.
Wow...what a wild night. I thought I would be at one rave, and ended up at another, much better one. I had never had the chance to see my good friend Erik spin before...I had no idea he was so good! I got to see a few friends that I'd been out of touch with, too. All in all, an excellent party.

On a random side note, a guy showed up to this party that I had just met the previous night at my friend jarrod's 21st birthday bash. I had spent all of last night flirting with him because he was pretty damn cute and we had gobs to talk about.

Tonight I got to meet his boyfriend.

What the hell is going on with my relationship karma?

Sometime this morning, I returned from a party. I was completely wiped, and thought that sleep would come extremely easy.
Unfortunately, this proved to not be the case. While lying in bed, I felt the distant rumble of loud rap music. The longer I laid in bed, the louder it became. It was 1:00.

3:00: I'm still awake. By now, my mind has formed theories on what's going on. Yes, I know. Some drunken frat boy came back from one of his parties, and decided to blare his music at full volume. He has no roommate, or his roommate is home for the weekend. As a result: aural freedom.

5:00: I know what's going on. Whoever this guy is, he left without turning his music off. Yes, it's the only reason. He knows that I need to wake up at 9:00 to get ready for an outing this morning. I'm sure he knows, even though attempts to locate his domicile have failed. He knows exactly who I am, and how to torture me. His absence has caused a lack of individuals capable of turning off his stereo system, and as a result, it echoes through the hollow plaster walls.

7:00: I've become jealous of those who live behind the concrete bricks. They have no one to interrupt their sleep. It must be beautiful, the silence within. Four suitemates are in such rooms. They must be disposed of, and I shall claim their rooms as my own.

I'm hypersensitive to bass. No sleep makes will either make me insane, or elevates me to untold depths of creativity.

Stay awake as long as possible, and provide updates on current mental condition.

9:00 AM EST - I'm seeing life at 15 fps. I move my hand, there's a trail. I turn around quick enough, and I see myself turning. The walls seem to have a life of their own, except for the plaster wall in my bedroom. That wall is pure evil, a tumor amongst the good concrete walls.

No noticeable hallucinations, yet.

2:27 PM EST - The music is still playing, it would seem that sleep is quite impossible at this juncture, so I'll abstain. Noticeable mental effects include increased concentration, and an increased sensory reception.

5:20 PM EST - The situation has been resolved. The music was on very, very faint, but due to the position of the subwoofer, it rattled straight through the wall into my room. The owner of the system wasn't even home. Senses getting duller, eyelids heavy. Zero appetite.

Diet tip: if you want to lose weight, don't sleep. But don't come running to me when the psychological detriments outweigh the physical benefits.

8:49 PM EST - The music is long gone. My foot itches from the inside. Frequent attempts to scratch it only yield the theory that the itch lay well buried in the foot itself.

Note to self: don't try to rub out stains on wet khaki with any uncovered appendages. The effect created is very much like a burn, only without the blistering.

11:15 PM EST - With silence, darkness, fatigue, and the midterms looming on the horizon, my mind can take no more.

Interesting note: it was quite difficult to get to sleep last night, even with the 40+ running hours. The difficultly to get to sleep after an extended amount of time awake can probably be gauged in an inverted parabolic curve. 40+ seemed to be near the plateau of this curve.

Physical Observations
Messy hair
Red eyes
Dark spots under red eyes
Increased response to temperature variations

Total uptime
41 hours

Estimated time to crashing

do you know how much i love you, garandma?

i stopped by your house 'cause i had really bad dream.
i was at your funeral. when i just woke up, i couldn't tell if it was dream or real.

you are one of the most beautiful woman in the world i've known.
77 yo.
you go to beauty salon every week 'cause you aware you are a lady.
you always wear nice and taught me how important it is to always wear nice.

you are the beautiful woman, yet you are getting old.
when i gave you back rub, i peeked your lovely winkled hands. you reised your daughter by the hands.

when i told you that i don't belive in long term relationship, you told me you do even though two of your husband passed away within three years after both of them married you.
you always told me how important it is to love somebody.

grandma, you are the badass.

you never hesitate to call me a difficult bitch.
you know who i am.
and you alway told me that i'll either end up being a helpless alcoholic or a successful rich geek.

wait for me little longer. i'll be the latter.
i will buy you the world most sexyest black dress for a grandma and escort you to a world finest restaurant.

sounds like silly, but this is one of my dream.
Well damn it... The LAN trail run was a bust. We had to cancel because MY stupid ass forgot the 24 port switch I was supposed to bring from work. Instead all we had was a 5 port switch one of those ports was running on the dedicated server. ARGH, what a pain in the ass.

It was not all a waste of time though, before we headed over to my place a somewhat large group of cohorts and I all ate at Red Lobster in honor of Jessica's birthday. I stuck to a liquid diet, but had fun nonetheless.
The interesting part about this, was that I was finally able to meet Morgan. Morgan is a friend of Jimmy's that he has been trying to set me up with for sometime now. She was hot, and we had a good time together. This I am hoping will lead to something very interesting.

So I suppose that today will be reserved for just myself and the cat. It's Sunday, and that means cleaning and doing laundry almost all day long.

Day Three After Wisdom Teeth Removal Surgery

I can't believe I'm going back to school tomorrow. I've gotten more sore as the weekend has gone on, despite my constant relaxation. I rented Romeo and Juliet, Airplane II, Wuthering Heights, and managed to squeeze in some of the Indiana Jones series. All I've eaten is soggy crackers, soup, jello, and fruit juice, and it's getting boring.

The funny thing is, if my friends call, I'm going to do my best to pretend I'm feeling well so the wardens will let me go out. I need social interaction more than I do physical comfort.

Man, I am having a great weekend. On Friday night, i tripped on acid with some new friends of mine. We started tripping around 5 in the afternoon. We just hung around in the quad, tossing a frisbee around and smoking joints. It was a really nice day. After a while we headed out to this field, and bummed around up there, tripping and smoking and looking at the stars. We had a blanket to sit on, and we'd remembered to bring water and food and stuff, so we stayed out for a while. Eventually we left and walked all the way to the other end of campus, where we climbed on these rocks and trees and stuff. It was good time. Yesterday I went to an Ultimate tournament at Ohio University. Because it's Halloween, everyone wears their costumes on the field. I wore this huge orange pumpkin costume. It was also a really, really nice day. We played Case Western, OSU, a Columbus club team and some other team that I can't remember. We(the Oberlin Flying Horsecows) did pretty well, we only lost to OSU and it was only by a couple of points. I had a lot of fun. Then we drove back to Oberlin in time for the parties last night. So last night I went and partied, drank lots of cheap beer, it was fun. And today it is again an incredibly nice day and I'm going to play more Ultimate in about half an hour. And here's something else - me and my roommate acquired some vacuum tubes a while ago, and we found schematics on the web for an amp we can make with them. So sometime we're going to play with cool electronics and maybe even make a really phat guitar amp. Basically I'm really happy with the way the weekend has turned out. I've played Ultimate, got drunk, did cool drugs, and found this guitar amp we can make. These are all good things. I didn't get any work done or anything, but I don't give a shit. Damn it feels good to be alive.

i've never been an extrovert
but i'm still breathing
i've always been an introvert
happily bleeding

- Placebo

i guess i should start at the beginning:

i've always been shy. not just shy, i mean i am shy. when i moved to Texas i went two and a half years without talking to anybody. i went and saw Romeo and Juliet at the campus theatre on Valentine's Day and the only empty seat in the place was right next to me. alone in a nation of twos somehow my bumbling self managed to pick up some friends and a girlfriend or two along the way. some bad stuff happens. lose a lot of friends. lose my girlfriend who also happened to be my best friend. and for about a year it was just me again. still had some friends left. more aquaintances really in that i'd rarely talk to them or do anything with them. centrifugal force and all that. basically i'd go to a rawk show! see maybe one or two people i knew, say hi, talk a little. go home. not see them again untill the next show. repeat.

six months ago. i start talking to people a little more(but only people i know already) when i'm alone on Friday night i might actually try calling one or two people before drowning my sorrows in Sega. i grow steadily more dissatisfied with my life.

about a month ago it starts becoming more than i can take. and i met her briefly for the first time that night. well, not really met. saw. i was with mike who knows her. he talked with her a bit and i , of course, just stood back and kinda looked at my feet. corduroy pants. i was hooked from the start. a few days later, it happens. instead of sitting around depressed about it all the time, looking at the paxil website frequently, but never doing anything. i suddenly decide that from that point on that i'm going to be more social and outgoing and that i can do it without the help of drugs. that night was the Joan of Arc show at Rubber Gloves. it's amazing what a difference it makes by just talking to those friends of friends that you don't know. i feel like i'm networking. it feels a little weird. but i like it. i'm outside talking to mike. she shows up. and you'd laugh if you knew exactly what a big deal this is for me but i actually introduce myself to her!

yes that was the longest exposition ever just to tell you i talked to a girl

after the show we all go to Denny's to hang out. short dark hair, pale complextion, glasses, good dresser, initial conversation seems to point to funny and intelligent also. and she even drives a Volkswagen. damnit cody, if you're not careful you're going to fall hard for this girl. the rawk show/Denny's scenario happens a couple more times. and i'm not careful. Friday night, the Broadcast show. we all hang out at my apartment afterwords. now, the old cody would have been happy to just secretly crush on this girl indefinately. but the new cody is tired of letting so many opprotunities pass him by. he just doesn't know how to do anything about it. talking to girls is easy. but i don't even know where to start with asking girls out. additionally i'm worried that any failed attempt on my part would of course just make things awkward and she probably wouldn't want to really be around me anymore. fear of rejection isn't so big of an issue as it has been in the past. it's just that, well, i've talked enough with her now to know that i'd still really like to be friends with this girl even if she weren't helluva cute. and a growing friendship isn't something i'd want to just toss to the wind.

Platonic Limbo

last night all the Halloween Parties were going on. she came by to borrow my Devo jumpsuit and energy dome for a costume party that was going on. i went off to the good/bad to take part in a little show mike and some other guys i know were putting on. they formed a boy band called N2U(N2U is in to you!) yeah, cheesy. the wrote a song, got some boy band type clothes. worked out some dance moves. i played the part of the crazed fan. originally the plan was to show up unannounced and perform at as many of the parties that night as we could, but after the good/bad show a couple of the members wussed out. so we set out looking for parties to just, well, party at. i went home and changed into my Vyvyan outfit and off we went. one bad party, one party that we couldn't find and we end up at the costume party she was at. i quickly try to drown enough inhibitions in alchohol so that maybe i'll start talking to her and ad-lib the whole asking out thing.. mike and james(my ride) leave. a bit later the party ends. not drunk enough to hit on her yet but all of us too drunk to drive we all crash on the floor. i sleep well at first but once the sun comes up most of my time is spent awake, her slumbering peacefuly just two feet away, and me trying desperately not to look over at her. this says it better than i ever could.

she drops me off at my apartment, i pour my heart out into New Writeups. and here i am.

update: check out November 1, 2000 Yay!!!!

I didn't argue with my parents about going to church today, its not worth it. So I go to church and all, and at the start of it, an elderly woman falls onto the marble floor, I think she broke her hip. A woman calls over the church's microphone, "Is there a doctor here?" as another man calls 911. The paramedics take her to a local hospital and the mass continues.

Then I go with my mom and sister to a halloween costume contest. My sister was dressed like a gorilla carrying a box with her inside, hard to explain really I'll put a picture up on my website and put the URL at the end when I get it off the digital camera. Anyways, she got a lot of attention, though she didn't end up winning, she was in the final 10 though. Also, my one friend was supposed to burn me a windows 98 CD for my parents' computer, but he hasn't, and I still don't have my MD player/recorder, grr. has a picture of the costume, I'm the guy on the left with the taffy sick hanging out of my mouth.

Went to a great Halloween party last night - one of the best dance bands I've heard (and seen) for some time. Really elaborate and clever costumes. One man in a wheelchair made himself up as a grocery shopping cart. Another guy - people had names for him like "Hurricane Man" or "The Windblown Guy" - all his clothes, his pants, his coat, his tie, and of course his hair, were veering off to the left as if a strong wind as pulling them.

I wore an eighteenth-century dress and white wig that I borrowed from a friend in the costume business. I helped my husband dress as a woman. I never realized before what broad shoulders he has. Such a hoot. One puzzling phenomenon was that many men wanted to feel his fake breasts. Just as puzzling was his reaction that he expected it to happen, although he couldn't explain why. I started watching the faces of these guys and they had this look of illicit pleasure, as if they were children stealing candy. Go figure.

Then, on the way home at 2 AM, we were hungry and almost stopped at Denny's (for lack of any real choice), but he was embarrassed to go inside in his dress. I had to laugh, it was so cute.

It's been almost two weeks since Sparkle went missing.
My neighbor knocked on my door tonight. There's a dead cat in his bushes. It's the one that was caught in his garage door. He had already called animal control, but if I wanted to I could check and see if it was mine.
The smell was awful. She looked worse. I don't even want to descibe her because I'm already sick of crying.
I am going to miss her so fucking much. I feel so guilty. I knew something like this would happen. There's a risk when your cats go outside. But I still wish it wouldn't happen to me.
She was only a year old. Her sister misses her. I've already had this up at my homenode in honor of her. It seems a bit too cheerful at the moment, but it's all I can offer.
My sister's side of the group arrived at our house around 5:00 PM, right on schedule. We hung out in what became a cramped living room for about a quarter hour. I called Keith up and he said although the rest of his group weren't there yet, we were welcome to come. We travel around the block and I made introductions. His group wasn't set to arrive for another half hour, and some people expressed concern about getting food, so we decided to go drive around Route 22 and choose a place to get some quick eats. We stopped by Wendy's and returned to Keith's.

His cousin Rob, who brought the remainder of the group, was a little late and arrived around 6:15 PM. We ended up with four cars, and headed off to Pennsylvania. Traffic, and the fact that we were trying to keep all four cars together, resulted in a pretty slow trip. We arrived at Rob's house in Palmer a little after an hour. We still had to wait for a few more people who were coming from Staten Island. In the meantime, Keith showed a few of us who were interested his new Valentine radar detector, and the rest watched television and played billiards.

When the group was finally complete, we headed off to the Haunted Inn. It seemed simple enough - follow Route 191 North then take Route 360 when it hits the junction. 191, however, is one twisty road. There were a lot of traffic lights, and we missed turns twice, which ended up in a really long trip. One odd little incident involved a turn at a traffic light. We were turning right, and opposing traffic was turning left onto the same road. The opposing traffic was slowed down by Spiderman. Yes, Spiderman. Some guy in a (classic red-and-blue) Spiderman suit was running around the road trying to stop cars, frantically waving his arms.

We finally make it to the Haunted Inn. Traffic was backed up to the entrance. The parking attendants explained they had insufficient parking and were parking cars as space freed it. After 15 minutes, we were able to park. I hadn't parallel parked since I took my driver's exam, but one of my passengers hopped out and guided me.

All four car groups were split up and we all assembled after about 10 minutes of trying to find each other. We still had to wait in line that extended for a good 1/16 of a mile, out in the cold. We finally got in after 45 minutes. One of the proprietors explained the history off the Inn. It was built in 1901 as a resort facility and operated for 90 years before it was abandoned. Looking at the massive structures, it was apparent they were not taken care of at all. I started wondering if it was safe to set foot inside. I was more worried about the building collapsing than ghosts. The proprietor continued to explain that there were several deaths and suicides, and that there were no props, no fake surprises. It would be an "all-natural haunting experience."

Yeah, whatever.

Every door in every hallway was slightly ajar, and once in a while someone would pop out of one and scare you. Some were armed with buzzers and compressed air. I was quite annoyed that the proprietor lied. There really was no reason to do that except to make the first scare more surprising. After that, it just became totally lame. I had been to much better haunted Xs than this before. For such a massive structure and excellent location, it was a real letdown.

We decided to try to go get to the Haunted Greenhouse on Route 512 before it closed at midnight. Some in the group had already been there and thought it was so much better. Exiting the Inn location, we got separated by other cars. We lost the first two cars, and since we didn't know how to get to the place, we just decided to get to Interstate 80 and go home.

This ride went a lot quicker, and we decided to go to a diner. Then we called it a day.

It's the weekend. I don't exercise on the weekend. At least not my normal exercises. I like to think that dancing, walking, and flirting are good cardiovascular activities, so passing out at night before I do my exercising is ok.

On that same note, I now have noticeable biceps. I'm pretty much a stick figure, with a bit of a spare tire around my middle. But now when I flex my arms, my biceps stick out a bunch. I feel rugged.

The costume party last night was a mixed success. I went as a raver. Most people were too drunk or fucked up on other drugs to care. I ate some of an acid cookie, had some sangria, and took a shot of DXM. I had waited, just in case she showed up, but I had pretty much given up on her arrival. So after I took the drugs, she arrived. Dammit. Dressed as a catholic schoolgirl. (Yum!) Anyway, to make a long story short, the sangria disagreed with me drastically, and I ejected it. Twice. Into the toilet. During the first time, I was on the phone with a friend of mine who was trying to make it to the party but had run out of gas. The stress of trying to solve that problem is probably what put me in the bathroom in the first place. I wound up worrying him and just about everyone else that was nearby, and he didn't end up making it to the party.

What's worse is, the catholic schoolgirl gave me a kiss, full on, on the lips, just as she was leaving. I was expecting a hug, and I was so startled that I didn't even react, really. What's more, it turns out that she really does like me, and was worried that I might not like her that way.

So, a minor resolution... It's time to cut back on the drugs a little. Not because I don't like them, or because they're getting in the way of me being fully functional, but because I don't want people worrying about me. No more party drugs. Personal, soul-searching drugs, sure. But no more getting fucked up at parties.

I never liked that much anyway.

I just signed the membership book at my church. my church. that sounds funny. but it's mine, now, I am sealed to them. feels good to sign my name. that's what was missing.

I promptly fell asleep in the meditation room afterwards before being awoken by my ride home. I'm so sleepy. sleepy and ravenouslhungry. I've slept almost 6 hours today -- AFTER waking up and BEFORE going to bed. I've eaten a can of beans, 8 slices of crispbread, 4 pickle slices, 6 cups of water, 2 cups of juice, two bagels with lox cream cheese and mustard, a can of lobster mush with more crispbread and butter and lemon, two apples with caramel sauce, a piece of birthday cake, half a roll of lifesavers, and I'm about to have a snack before bed. This is more than I eat in three days.

I gave blood yesterday for the first time. This probably explains things; still, my companions haven't experienced it. I felt faint towards the end - though I finished the donation, thank goodness and had the nurses converge on me with cold cloths and secret codewords meaning "lightheaded girl! look out!" one nurse, mark, did a tapdance for me. heehee.

I just got back from my vacation yesterday. It was good to see my friend Sheldon again. This time I went to see him in his native California.


I was up all night Sunday and all morning on Monday the 23rd until 5am when the cab came to pick me up. I quickly stuffed my case with what I thought I needed, and rushed out. The plane was full but left on time. I made it to a connecting flight at Minneapolis, and landed at San Jose at 1:37, 1 minute late. Sheldon was there waiting to pick me up.

The place was definitely different from Boston. For one thing I could see mountains and palm trees. We drove off and started chatting immediately. Went to lunch. Talked about what he's been up to lately and what was new in my life. We dropped by his father's house and met his grandmother. She tried to give him food to take back just like my grandmother would do. He tried his best diplomacy and we were able to leave with only a big salmon steak. We hung around his house and then ate out and just drove around.


On Tuesday, we went shopping. I got myself hiking shoes. The best part of the day however was the arcade. We played battletech. Each player had their own pod with screen, joystick, throttle, and status displays. Each player could choose their own tech depending on preferences. The status displays were actually fully functional in the advanced mode. We played for about five sessions. After each, a player received their individual report of the battle. Fun as sin. It seems I had kept damaging his leg so his tech was actually limping along on one leg! That was cool. he he cool, he he. We had hot dog on a stick for lunch. Weird food. Basically a hot dog on a stick with a thin layer of fried dough on it. Apparently the chain has been around since the 50's and they seem to be famous for their lemonade. Go figure. The employees wear bright read and yellow uniforms and use a pogo stick like instrument to make the lemonade. So they jump up and down on these buckets full of lemon, attracting attention.

Anyway ... Later on we received a surprise call from my roommate, he was already in San Jose, today instead of Wednesday. So went and picked him up. We hooked up with Sheldon's best friend Rich. We ate out that evening. Drove around tech row. Passing by tech companies the likes of HP, Sun, SGI, Netscape etc. We noticed that 2 out of the 3 Netscape buildings were empty.


Went to the mall again. Played more of battletech. Blew each other up. Later we all went to San Francisco, dropped off my roommate there. Tried to get into the Bruce Lee exhibit but it was closed. We left my roommate in San Francisco to meet some friends. Spent a rather mellow evening. Was good.


Had a good lunch at an Asian restaurant. Headed out to San Francisco again and got to see the Bruce Lee exhibit. The exhibit was not large but did a good job of presenting the martial arts flick pioneer. The gloves and 2 sets of clothes used in the Enter the Dragon were on display as well as some letters were. Including one sent to a producer pitching for Enter the Dragon. Some notes on philosophy were there as well. He was quite the thinker. Very contemporary and willing to throw out old ways if they no longer made any sense. Despite his rather traditional Wing Chun kung-fu training he crossed many martial arts. Really cool guy. I've always wondered what he would be like if still alive. One of those what ifs.


My last day. Woke up. Me, Rich, Sheldon and my roomate Dave, headed out to Apple. Rich's connection there got us in as visitors and had lunch in the cafeteria. Did not see the rest of the buildings however. Lots of large Think Different posters hanging from windows and buildings. The cafe had quite a few selections, including freshly made pizza. We left Rich at the Apple campus.

The rest of us just drove around. Went thru Palo Alto and used a public toilet there. To top the day off, we went hiking. This was cool. We drove high up the mountain as dusk was settling in. We were in a fog as Sheldon drove us to a popular spot. It had a large boulder overlooking the mountain side and onto the valley. We climbed it and sat and took in the view. Nothing was visible at first but the fog slowly lifted. One by one the street lights became visible, the shape of the bay came into view and the whole place came alive. The darkness was almost completely upon us. I looked back towards the mountain and could see the clouds rolling over the top and down the side. The trees were hidden by the mist. It was beautiful and somewhat eerie in the darkness. We could see several lonely cars making their way up the mountain roads. It was awesome. I asked to stay longer and take it all in.

We finally left and found a nice little Asian restaurant. After dinner we headed home. My plane was leaving around 6:45 am and I stayed up until 5. Sheldon drove me to the airport. On the way over we stopped by a hilly side of the town and stared at the stars. The sky was clear and full of jewels. I headed back to Boston on Saturday and unwound the rest of the day.


Hung out with masukomi and had fun. Nice way to top off the week. She had just had the last week at work, and we went back to pick up some of the rest of her stuff she had left.

Sheldon is a really cool guy. I've known him since my BU days, after meeting him at the kung-fu club. He's one of those rare people that I just have to be friends with and hang out. They have a good soul, they're honest, care about the people around them, and just great to talk to. I like the way they look at life and listen to the things they've learned. There is something cool about them in just the right way. Thanks Sheldon.

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