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May 10, 2000 | May 11, 2000 | May 12, 2000

Everything Statistics

Statistics               stats   wa7   inc  l_stats l_wa7
Total Number of Nodes:  505289  1786  2123   503166  1730
Total Number of Users:   14335    43    33    14302    45
Total Number of Links: 1395121 19250 22069  1373052 18780
Current node_id:        541044  1896  2239   538805  1839

Everything's Best Users

Users                  XP wa7 inc   l_XP l_wa7
Pseudo_Intellectual 10242 184 132  10110 193
jessicapierce        9862 116 223   9639  98
dem bones            9855 117 262   9593  93
pukesick             7027 124 119   6908 125
DMan                 6475 214 214   6261 214
Saige                6471 144 169   6302 140

Server time: 03:18 Thu May 11 2000 
Your fellow noders (37)

l_ = last (previous) value
inc = increase in stats value
wa7 = ((stats + (6 * l_wa7))/7) = weighted average with denominator 7

Now I use "wa7" instead of earlier "wa2" (that I previously called "c-ca"). Thanks to /dev/joe for help regarding weighted average. In short this "wa7" smoothen value over about 7 days period. Sorry, the updated stats is a bit late today because of this. (more)

Still Waiting for Everything Snapshot and reply to /msg and email from JeffMagnus.

To node ...

I just downloaded Paul Oakenfold's Gatecrasher live set. This is really great stuff. So great that I just had to tell somebody about it, but everybody I know is asleep. Too bad. Hmmm... It would be kind of cool to be able to attach mp3's to nodes. Anyhoo!

I'm really excited today. My grandpa died last week, and he left me his old truck. It's a pretty crappy truck, it's full of rust holes and it barely runs, but it has special meaning for me. My grandpa and my grandma had their first kiss in that truck. A few decades later my mom and my dad did the wild thing in the truck and nine months later I was born.

I spent a summer at my grandpa's ranch with my girlfriend. I told her the history of the truck and she was really impressed. We got a blanket and had a picnic in the bed of the truck. A lot of fruit and whipped cream, and honey. I still smile when I think of that night. The moonlight reflected by her honey covered nipples. It's a very special truck.

12:56 EET

Since I don't trust my busted leg enough to ride a bike yet, I'm going to work using public transportation. And I don't mind it at all. For a relatively cheap price (Ok, it could be cheaper) I'm able to just sit back and enjoy the scenery not needing to worry about traffic, because a skilled driver is taking me to my destination. Not to mention I am fighting pollution by not selfishly driving a privately owned car. :)

In many larger cities around the world the buses/trains/subways are filled with criminals and urine, making them pretty undesireable to travel in. Luckily this is not the case in Hämeenlinna. Especially at this time of year, as the 10 o'clock bus starts to look like geriatric express. It's mostly just the elderly, with a few people like myself going to work. On the evening bus? Same thing. Even on weekends it's safe. And since us finns are a notoriously introverted nation, one doesn't have to spend his/her time attempting to come up with interesting smalltalk with a fellow traveller. ;)

Ok, time to stop this senseless noding and get back to work. There's plenty of time to node later, since the office will be empty again after 3 o'clock. Finland vs. Sweden in the hockey championships, you see.

I think I'll skip lunch and eat at Carrols at my way home.
Mmmmmmm.. fattening...

20:02 EET

It's been a storm outside. The cable has been out of order for a while and stuff flew to our yard from the house under construction in the lot next to us. That's pretty much as hard as storms get in southern Finland.
I hope they get the cable fixed though.. I wouldn't want to miss taping the Northern Exposure rerun.

By the way, we beat the swedes. Woo-hoo. Times like this make me wish I cared about hockey or the constant competition between the two neighboring countries.
i am a supermodel. i don't work the catwalk, though. i'm in magazines.

preparing for martial arts practice starts first thing in the morning. i put on my panties, the worlds best underwire sports bra, and a leotard that corresponds to the colour of the uniform i'm to wear that day, then i get dressed for work as normal over top.

i brought in an old-ish mac for a guy i work with. in early 1996 i spent $3000 on this computer and used it probably about twice to play loderunner. he may network it in his house or he may donate it. either way is fine with me, the computer has been sitting on a shelf for years.

i'm about to begin an attempt to quit smoking (both tobacco and marijuana). wish me luck. i need to quit smoking tobacco so that i can further my martial arts, and i need to quit smoking marijuana so that i'm not so lazy and unmotivated (which will also help further my martial arts). i don't think that marijuana is bad, per se, but i think i have begun to smoke too much of it and at inappropriate times, and it's time to do without for a while. i kinda wish i was single while trying to quit these things, i know i will turn into super ultra megabitch (sorry craig, please bear with me for a while).

last night on my way home from practice, i almost got in a car accident. due to a large storm that went through the area, all the traffic lights on randolph road in rockville were out. at intersections it was somewhat of an honour system at work. when the people on randolph decided it was time to let the cross traffic through, they stopped. when this happend, i crossed into the road, preparing to turn left onto randolph road. some crazy person drove into the left turn lane on randolph to get around those who had stopped and damn near plowed into me.

as a side note, i'm trying to decide whether i want to take advantage of the invitation that has been extended to me to join the kendo team at the studio. it's an honour to have been asked, however my interest in martial arts tends to shy away from weaponry. i did learn to work with the iron fan (because i liked the combination of feminine sexuality with asskickery), but i'm just not sure how i feel about kendo. i think i may give it a trial run.
Today I will go to the ArsDigita open house in Ann Arbor. I don't know much about the company, but it sounds like they're doing fun stuff that I can do too. Namely, running database-backed web servers. Plus, they're the ones who wrote Philip and Alex's Web Guide and lots of other free, web-based educational stuff. When I first got this job, I thought it was the shit, but after five years of installing troubleshooting Novell Netware client and rebooting crashed workstations, I'm ready for something new. Who knows, maybe they'll like me, but I'll probably just be overshadowed by the really geeky people who are sure to show up. Then, after that, with hopefully a little sleep before or after the open house, I'll go to my night job at the hotel. It's the last day I'm working with the night supervisor before he's off on his vacation. After that, it will be a total bloodbath because most of the rest of us don't know what we're doing and are very slow at doing it. I have these visions of long lines of angry customers in my face at 7am while I'm still struggling to get the night audit finished.

Hopefully in between all this I'll have a moment during which to add a few more items to Unfinished Stories. Maybe I'll break them down into more easily digestible pieces, because unfinished or not, some of that stuff is LONG.
Today... I had my last day of education on this school! It was at a certain point, sometimes around 9:30, I realized that I only had 45 more minutes of classes left in my carreer in what I guess is the norvegian similar to college.
My last 45 minutes of education, was spendt in russian-classes, where my teacher, who I tought of as a real bitch, held this ten minute speach about me going on and having a good life.
As I left the classroom, I felt a wave of relief go through my body, but still I felt sad. I've still got to pass all my exams to graduate, but yet... Even if I flunk in some classes, I wont be back at this place next year.
This autumn, I'm probably joining the army, afterall, I've been drafted. If I flunk anything, I'll take the exams in the army.
So... I guess that means I wont be back at this school anymore...
As I stood there in the door, I turned around and hugged that bitch. Afterall, I'd be missing all the fights we had...

Put on last summer's shorts to go for a walk and they're too big! Rehab and workouts have led to over a 30 lbs weight loss. Before illness struck I was very active. One doctor said I wouldn't have survived if I hadn't been so healthy. Now working out is to restore lost balance and strengthen bones, the tumor causes calcium loss to the bones.

Number One Son came home from school today, That's it Mom, I'm an adult now.

Mom's in denial, it went by too fast, way too fast....: No you're not!

Son: Yep Mom they're all gone my friends, voice cracking,today was my last day of school.

Mom: You'll see them this summer, where are they going?

Son: I dunno off to college, out of state.

We sit quietly together for a few minutes. I haven't seen him with tears in his eyes since he came home and told me about Mikey Macks' death. Kids don't come with directions and I stumble around in the dark.
He leaves for work and I vanish into the bedroom.

Sitting on the edge of the bed watching my husband shave. After twenty years together he knows I'm upset.

Husband: What?? he says suspicious, not sure if it's him.

Halts the razor in mid stroke with a hopeful gleam in his eye (I think it's a conditioned response to seeing a woman on a bed),

Do you want some?

Wife: (giggles), Noooo!


____'s crying.

Husband: He's just got something in his eye.

I've heard him say this a hundred times, but I still grin.

Wife: I don't know what it's like for him....I moved and left so many friends behind as a kid that by High School it ......(hurt like hell, I think to myself)

Husband: I didn't cry when High School was over.

Wife: I don't know what to tell him.

Husband offers : Tell him life goes on.....

Maybe this is one of those times when there's nothing I can say to help him, just ask how's he doing, an extra hug .......

There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in.

~ Deepak Chopra ~

In Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.
- Romans 12:5 (NIV)

O God, teach me to walk graciously beside others.


Wow, my day has been noneventful.
Long, but noneventful. I awoke at 3:25 this morning, giving me five miuntes to get where I needed to go. For a more lengthy diatribe on the sheer wrongness of arising before 4:00 am, please see my May 9, 2000 daylog. But let's just say I'm a little sleepy. Watch is watch, but I do get to crawl around in one of the main machinery rooms, tracing out the main and auxilliary gland exhaust system. Maybe one of these days I'll node the basic steam cycle and its physical representation on an aircraft carrier. Mechanical engineers might be interested, at least.
I swear, four years ago I was just like you.
I was a citizen, a student, a fiance. Now I am a sailor, a PR Flack, a husband. I am a father as well.

I think I have paid attention to the little things in a good way. I remember the sun rising over the Jefferson Memorial on a warm spring morning. I have been the intimate acquaintance 130 degree heat, and I can still feel the weight of my son as he fell asleep on my arm while I learned to write html.

But the big things, the overarching changes in my life, have passed me by without a murmur or a sigh. I can't point to a cetain time when I became an adult, or when I became more military than civilian. Sure, I can guesstimate, but the real truth is that I have become what I am today without my own knowledge, or even cooperation.

Thursday. Work. I am sexy in my tight maroon tank top with a black spider spreading its spidery legs across my chest. Cleaning the kitchen, I get a little nutty with the sprayer hose thing that hangs down over the sink and I spray myself right in the breasts. Laughing, dripping, I turn around and there is Patrick, smiling at me, crinkled cotton dress shirt, hair a little longer, curlier, smiling at me, and the most brilliant thing I can come up with is what are you doing here? and it is a wonderful beginning to a soft-porn movie except he isn't attracted to me at all and I can't blame him, my lips are chapped and my eyes are all weird and my self-done haircut is ridiculous and my face is just stupid in general. He has other people to talk to. The kids swarm him and I watch. He knows who to hug gently and who to swing upside down; he always knew.

I got a letter from my dad today which I can't say too much about because it hurts too much to think of him as old. I am a financial burden. He doesn't know I didn't quite get my degree. He loves me and I pray that he will not die yet and then I feel shitty because all my prayers are selfish. - please God don't take this person away because it will hurt me too much. What the fuck kind of a foxhole idiot prayer is that?

Walking in the park is good; I pass the same tiny cute Asian woman four times and she grins at me each time. It is "WELCOME WHEELCHAIR CHAMPS" time at the tennis courts and I walk past dozens of people whose legs don't work, hauling themselves backwards into vans with rock-muscled arms. When will I start feeling grateful instead of guilty?

Home, watching tv, I am fine or I think I am fine. A commercial with a man and his son and fireflies whirling. I don't care if it's being used to sell something, child wonder is one of the things I will never trade away, I want it around me as long as I live. The next commercial pounds T.S. Eliot into me and will not stop it, T. S. Eliot afraid to act, afraid to ask for love and suddenly it is as bad as it was when I was small enough to ride betweeen my parents in the front seat and we went to the cemetery and I didn't mind much while we were there, but on the way home it hit me, I am going to die and so are my parents and all I could do was sob, I couldn't say it out loud, I just cried and cried and they took me home and put me to bed. It is that bad again now. I had forgotten. I swim with bad unstoppable morbid thoughts. I grind my palms hard against my chest as if that will insulate something. My cat doesn't know what to do. He rubs against my leg and I pet him once and he pushes hard against my hand, squinty with pleasure.

Pete calls and is the right voice.

Recuperating in the basement after an unusually-brief movie night at my house (the screening was an accidental success - a bad dub of The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (and this blue screen is where we flipped sides on the laserdisc) but it was a first for that movie for a number of people. Some trivia, some Gilliam conversings afterwards, then people went home. (What, no second movie? This is highly unorthodox!)

somewhere around here is where the second ghost parenthe closes.)

2 am. ICQ flashes its heraldry in the bottom right of my screen. For the record, and since it's not listed anywhere else here - /me is #70134945. Join the rarified ranks of iDEATH among my occasional extra-Everything Everythingite conversers! I fire it open. Travish asks if I'm awake. Since a lie would be amusing but only mildly, I ask what he has in mind. A bike ride. In the rain, I ask? Why not? Good enough for me.

A half-hour later I'm out in the night. I think I hear the nocturnal stirrings of waterfowl but a few blocks later discover that what I actually heard was Travish's cow-shaped noisemaker as he was trying to catch my attention and catch up to me.

We ride. We ride and ride and ride. We ride near and we ride far. We ride a little and we ride a lot. Granville Island, Burrard Bridge (we could break into Josh's parents' boat!), Kitsilano, Dunbar, UBC, Wreck Beach...

we are on the beach and in the woods and in the middle of a city and we are alone and it is glorious. And we talk.

I talk, and he listens. The whole gamut is run; schooling (and lack thereof), online communities past and present, (wow, next time I'm wearing gloves - my hands are soaked!) Everything's (positive) impact on my view of the Internet's community-shattering influence, creativity, a number of excuses I have used and continue to labour beneath, (he's getting cramped, we slow down) the more-recent Michelle, why what happened and what didn't happen may have elapsed the way it did and did not, and a recall of a past conversation with him which he absolutely denies - punching a hole in the very basis of my attempted ego-destruction of last year. I am glad to learn of the flaw. The more flawed my views are, the more human I feel.

Know what? I'm starving! Where can we get some breakfast?
Nothing's open yet, it's 5:30 am.
Shit! We've been out in the rain for three hours?
I'll bet steaming loaves are being unloaded from bakeries as we speak
Yeah, but they don't open until 9 am.
Benny's bagels?
Not 24 hours anymore, the fuckers.
What then?

With no alternative at that hour we make time through brilliantly devoid streets, discovering the air-resistance barrier of our two-wheeled conveyances until eventually we get to the diner.

God damnit, why do wait staff always have to second-guess my requests of a banana split and milkshake for breakfast?

Despite having much nicer gear (the Spandex shorts, gloves, a sanded frame, clippy pedals, the whole she-bang) than I (street gear, spare parts-cycle) my co-conspirator is not as accustomed to rides of such duration or intensity so upon his grease intake we part ways and I return home through the dawning traffic where I burn, sleepless, waiting to hear from a friend who is waiting until she thinks I'll have had a long sleep to get ahold of me. As a result, I hold out until four hours earlier than she calls me (noon) before falling asleep, in which time I, in only a passing lucidity, decide to engage in some etext cut-and-posting.

I must be more aware of the potential ramifications of my actions. The posting of two Oscar Wilde stories in this spree results, I am told, in my inadvertently leading two people at work to tears. Must remember to only node the equivalent of Muzak (background thought-content?) during working hours.

Sometime today a queer everything milestone was passed: I now have 50 (only 50? out of 4000?) write-ups of over 10 reputation, so everything on my page-of-first-50 when I user-search-query myself is over 10 rep.

Wow, what a load of garbage.

Note: that last comment applies to my first-page-user-search nodescape, not the contents of this writeup. At least, not subjectively.

in our last episode... | p_i-logs | and then, all of a sudden...

This day will go down as one of the worst day's I've ever had. Allow me to supply you with the order of this day:

  1. Wake up hung over and drowning in sweat
  2. No coffee in house
  3. Take iguana out of cage to play, jumps out of my hand and runs away never to be seen again (this one really upset me)
  4. Camber kit for car arrives incomplete (apparently its $100 for each side, not total.. bastards)
  5. Find out that GReddy header won't be available until end of month
  6. Girlfriend comes over, we fight for the rest of the day
  7. Lost credit card somewhere
  8. Someone hit my car last night putting a nice huge dent and scratch in passenger side door
ooh, i put this writeup on the wrong Thursday.. see what happens when you try to remember your life? Nothing comes out right. The dates are all scrambled. Causes precede effects.

on this morning i send this email to my secret friend:

hiya stainless baby!

boy, was i glad that my apt. is very unsecure when i got home at 5 this morning and realized i didn't have a key: i just opened the window and climbed right into the shower (yes, there's a window in the shower), then snuck through the house in me clunky ol'boots, hoping i wouldn't wake up anyone who would want an explanation.

AND i won the bonus prize: 1.5 more hours of sleep before going to work! hurrah. with a cat purring on my stomach. cozy. they're very friendly if you happen to be up in the middle of the night - i guess they get jaded to our company in the daytime, but at night they're lonely.


This is the day before i leave for Californiavada. Since i'm leaving straight from work, i have to bring my bags with me. There are so many last-minute things. Plus there is the explosion, and i make cuts. This is where the book comes into play. After i hurt Dan that way, I find out that Ginny had also pushed him to commit on whether he was moving out earlier that day.. he'd said he was. And then severance.

He is sullen, but i really don't have time to deal with it, i have places to run to. He is angry, and because i am tired, and i have things i have to do (move a website, create a placeholder for another, pack, return borrowed keys, find clothing for the trip) i am angry right back. I feel half-shakti and half-remorse. There is not enough time in the day for the dark passions he puts out.

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